Throwing anger to the wind.......

Hello


For a while now I have been harbouring anger around an old hurt! I was going to laugh at my choice of words then: harbouring, but then I realised that as an analogy harbouring is excellent. I went out for a walk today and began to think about the anger that I feel and what I can do to shift it; I thought about what anger is in general and where it resides about my being. Every time I visualised it it fell somewhere around the left side of my body, it is not inside me, it is more around me waiting patiently for opportunities to be activated and cause havoc! 


Everywhere I go the anger goes along side me, perhaps I pull it like an old fashioned horse drawn coal barge, darkly it follows me not doing anything in particular apart from being there. Most of the time I pay it no attention but from time to time things happen which activate it, and then there it is rearing its ugly head disturbing my equilibrium. 


So here I am on my mission to choose good feeling thoughts doing my best to make Peace with the world exactly as I find it and somehow I need to find a way to make peace with the anger which I am harbouring. 


My anger surrounds another person, as I am sure anger so often does, but it does not affect them as far as I know. It belongs to me! It is a mixture of hurt, a faint desire for revenge, a feeling of unjustness and a strong desire to be free of it. Some parts of me would like to bundle it up and fling it at the other person, but I know in my heart that the best thing I could do with it were it something solid and flingable would be to throw it to the wind to dissipate.

Strong negative emotions are a burden and by themselves they do not achieve anything, when I think of the Image of Peace I know that harbouring a body of anger can only hurt me. I like to imagine that if my body had a colourful aura the anger would appear as a bright red bulge on my left side. I feel anger towards someone else, but I and I alone am the one who suffers. The anger is mine, I own it. 


I know how to make peace with small disappointments and annoyances, in fact I find it very easy to do so, but making peace with such a large thing, a thing which seems to have taken on its own characteristics is a big challenge for me. 


Firstly I own the anger, I forgive myself entirely for allowing it to grow to such proportions without dealing with it, I made a mistake, I am a human being and mistakes can be beautiful. As a human I have no instruction manual to tell me how to deal with intense emotions so how could I expect myself to do any better until I have learnt through experience how these things work? Who knows what great blessings could come from my anger once it has flowered into a beautiful blossom?


Secondly I trust that my urge to find a way to make peace with the anger I hold will bring exactly the solution that I need straight to me. 


Finally I do not let this problem or any others which I encounter take up too much of my time! When the time is right the solution will come and for the rest of the time I shall focus on that which fills my heart with gladness! I have spent enough of my life allowing problems to take up too much of my time, before I was able to choose my thoughts difficulties would consume my attention like hungry wolves and I was frequently miserable turning them over and over again in my mind to no avail. Now I know that there is a time and a place for dealing with problems, they need not mar my everyday life or stem the beauty of my world. 


Today I am Thankful for all the opportunities I have to grow
I am Thankful for the beauty which is to come when I have healed my anger
I am Thankful for walking in the fields bare foot
I am Thankful for the feel of mud between my toes
I am Thankful for invitations to sit by a fire in a cave
I am Thankful for new horizons
I am Thankful for sunbeams through water
I am Thankful for the sound of laughter coming from peoples houses as I walk past
I am Thankful for passion
I am Thankful for love 


love Klara.

What is my Truth?

Hello


I stayed up late last night enjoying myself and then got woken at about four thirty by my baby who was full of the joys of spring! She stayed awake for a couple of hours and then fell back into a peaceful sleep. 


I forget how tiredness can affect my equilibrium, or perhaps not so much tiredness but the half asleep half awake state which occurs when I remain in bed but don't manage to fall back to sleep. I am a great believer that tiredness is partly an emotional state; I believe I have not had the right amount of sleep to refresh me and therefore my orientation is affected by that belief and I demonstrate the signs of tiredness. There is no real way of knowing for sure! 


So in my stupor I decided it was probably safe to allow my mind to wander! Ha ha! I laugh out loud at the very idea now! There is a time and a place for a wandering mind, and that place is when I am creating! Fully conscious my mind twists and turns with a subject I have chosen, one for which I have a great passion. Beautiful stories are created, delicious tunes come from my wandering mind; in that moment I have chosen to let my mind drift in imaginations playground, stories and songs growing from my consciousness in a delicious burst of colourful creation!!


My recent successes at choosing my thoughts and having a quiet mind had lulled me into a false sense of security about allowing my mind to drift! Perhaps for some people with a more natural positive outlook, those lucky people who do not have to learn productive safe ways of thinking, allowing their minds to drift is a pleasant experience, but not yet so for me! 


I regret to say that a whole entourage of malevolent, disorderly, maladjusted, malignant thoughts began to assemble themselves in my unsuspecting mind! Quietly they began tearing shreds off my peaceful story telling me tales of how dreadful everything is for me, trying to persuade me that life is awful and that I have been making terrible mistakes left right and centre! 


So, I hear you say, how do I know the difference between the truth and the fiction which I claim my mind presents to me? What surprised me today was just how easy it was to see which thoughts were authentic and which were the product of negative thinking. The predominately negative thoughts didn't quite feel authentic, I faintly recognised them as being from an entirely different part of my life. After a while I examined them to see whether they felt true for who I am right now, and I was relieved to find that my joys and passions outweigh any of the negative aspects of the life choices I have made for myself. 


Tiredness, whatever it is, is a danger area for me, I have to be extra vigilant with myself when I am tired, which of course is harder than when I am not tired. I'd like to say that once I had recognised that my mind was running amok that I stopped it and moved back into a profoundly positive place, but I am afraid I did not! I continued to generate negative thoughts for much of today until I noticed again what I was doing, interestingly these thoughts were also easily recognisable as rather antiquated! 


Who knows how I will fare for the rest of the day? Of course I will be doing my best to think about that which I am thankful for, and I shall be being kind to myself as I would be to anyone else! One thing I am glad to say is in full working order is my ability to laugh at my own negativity and love myself all the more for being human and making mistakes.


For the rest of the day I shall be treating myself to a large pinch of not taking myself too seriously, eating nice food, drinking plenty of water, adopting a winning stance and singing the songs I love! 

Today I have Loving Gratitude for laughter with old friends
I have Loving Gratitude for being fortunate enough to have old friends
I have Loving Gratitude for the local swimming pool
I have Loving Gratitude for the return of the sun
I have Loving Gratitude for the work I am doing to restore myself to positive thinking habits
I have Loving Gratitude for ladybirds
I have Loving Gratitude for room 101
I have Loving Gratitude for flying beetles
I have Loving Gratitude for fizzy wine
I have Loving Gratitude for you, Madi Bliss! 


love Klara.

Revelling in the Rain!

Hello


We have been having quite a spectacular amount of rain over the last few days! The South West of England (where I live) is the wettest part of England, the mendips cause major precipitation coming in from the atlantic...... and so I have learnt to love the rain! I frequently hear people complaining about rain and the weather in general, I hear it is a favourite British pastime, but really for me it was a case of learn to love it or stay indoors all the time! 


So yesterday we went for a wet walk in the woods, this was something we used to do as children all the time. My father would get us all dressed up and we would go trudging off into the undergrowth and of course come home totally soaking wet and covered in mud. I don't really remember whether it was something I loved, liked or hated, but I certainly remember it and in particular my fathers obliviousness to the mud and water which my brother and sister and I would inevitably find and immerse ourselves in, I even lost a shoe one day while out with my dad!


Off we went in our waterproofs, wellingtons and umbrellas, the baby strapped to me peeking out under her hood smiling at the rain which only she escaped! Within five minutes we were all thoroughly soaked and striding across a field knee high with dripping grass. The woods looked fantastic; great plumes of steam were rising from them into the sky, the trees all clothed in the most vibrant luscious greenery I ever remember seeing. 


I was stunned by the verdant vibrancy brought about by so much rain. We climbed up a gorge which I have been to many times before and this time I was really struck by the utter natural beauty of the place which was so enhanced by the sheer volume of growth that must have occurred over the last few days of rain. 
Britain is a temperate climate and yesterday Ebbor Gorge felt, smelt and looked just like a tropical rainforest! 


The stunning beauty of my world never ceases to amaze me,I am hypnotised by the natural glory of wild vegetation. The woods smelt wonderful, so many different shades of green and brown, yellow and orange! 


Again I felt the wonderful joy of the quiet mind! I am so glad to be able to say that it still amazes me that having a quiet mind enhances my enjoyment of the world to such a very great degree. It poured with rain over the whole walk, but I didn't notice, so captivated am I by the beauty of the world. With my new found ability to hush my chattersome mind, choosing simply not to think has enabled me to be present in a way which was not available to me before; the smells and sights and sounds of the woods so entrance my senses, so that I am now able to revel in them. 


There is no such thing as bad weather, only inadequate clothing! and the rain is all the more glorious when it finally stops and we can all be outside enjoying the sunshine! 


Today I have Loving Gratitude for the rain, which has just got harder! 
I have Loving Gratitude for the lushness of new growth
I have Loving Gratitude for my waterproofs
I have Loving Gratitude for my dry cosy house
I have Loving Gratitude for the sun which is to come
I have Loving Gratitude for the ever changing world
I have Loving Gratitude for change
I have Loving Gratitude for growth
I have Loving Gratitude for wild garlic
I have Loving Gratitude for spring smells


love Klara. 

A Magical Awareness

Hello


Over the weekend I spent quite a lot of time getting to know the trees which surrounded the event which I  attended, the bushcraft show was at a place called Elvaston Castle Country Park in Derbyshire in the UK. The area which had been chosen to host the event was a very large round field entirely encircled by trees. 

This image shows the area rather well! The woods which surround the large field near the top of the photograph are a selection of mature trees which are almost all native, well spaced and vibrantly healthy. 


On sunday after I had spent nearly all day shut inside the van with my baby I came out into the field and noticed for the first time that it was completely surrounded by trees, it had an interesting feel to it, as if the woods were some sort of sentient audience silently watching and listening to all that was occurring in the clearing. What perhaps added to this affect was the set up of the event itself which was also a full circle of exhibitors all facing inwards. 


There was a magical tension in the air to which most people seemed oblivious, I did ask a few people if they had noticed the trees and how they felt about them but most people perhaps unsurprisingly seemed more interested in the bushcraft show! 


I spent some time investigating the woods while my baby slept on my back, the tension which I had experienced in the field was also present within the woods, there were quite a lot of visitors walking around the woods and to my surprise this did not alter the magical quality of the air. Often I have found that on visiting magical places (although I do believe the whole world to be magical) that the more people present the more dilute the magical feeling becomes, I think perhaps it has to do with how present people are in their consciousness if they are thinking of mundane things and not of the beauty which surrounds them the vibration they emit is bound to change the surroundings. 


What of it? Together with my feeling of peacefulness brought about by my continuous remembrance of the image of peace I found myself in an altered magical consciousness! The air fizzled and popped at times, the birdsong was amplified, the beauty was astounding! I don't know if my perception of the beauty was enhanced by the peaceful state I found myself in or whether the magic of the place aided my peacefulness! Either way it was a wonderfully inspiring experience......


The ancients spoke of the magical nature of this land, the presence of the fairy folk and all the magical creatures, I really feel that immersed in the thought world we switch off a part of ourselves which is sensitive to the magical nature of our world. I believe that in order to move into a really magical way of being where we fully appreciate the astonishing nature of the world it is vital to learn to use our thoughts as a tool, a resource and not a way of being. Constant thought closes off our awareness to other things. 


I choose magic in my life, I choose Joy, I choose beauty.....


Today I have Loving Gratitude for the good fortune I had to start choosing my thoughts
I have Loving Gratitude for magical experiences
I have Loving Gratitude for the love I feel for trees
I have Loving Gratitude for all the trees in the world
I have Loving Gratitude for the memories I hold of just how magical the world can be
I have Loving Gratitude for the possibility that I will have many more magical experiences
I have Loving Gratitude for birdsong in magical woods
I have Loving Gratitude for my eyes
I have Loving Gratitude for my ears
I have Loving Gratitude for unexpected adventures


love Klara.  

An Image of Peace.....

Hello


I have had an astonishing weekend! I have been away from the drawing board, so to speak, for the weekend, again my blogs which I programmed to publish while I was away went sky west and crooked but never mind because it is of small consequence in the grand scheme of things....


So why was my weekend so spectacular? I went to a bush craft show with my partner for one of his jobs, I was expecting it to be interesting and of course it was, but that was really an aside to the joy which I experienced over the weekend. 


On the 31st of May I came across an image which has changed the way I deal with that which I encounter to a very interesting degree, it is an image which encapsulates the ideas that we project out into the world a vibration which matches the way that we are feeling. This is an idea which I have been familiar with for many years but I have always come across it before in either a vocal format, on film or in writing. Somehow seeing it as a still image made it enter my mind in a very different way. 

Wow I am astonished with the ease with which I managed to upload that image! Clearly I am supposed to share it here! The artist who I would very much like to thank and Credit this work of art for is called Tony Koehl you can find a link to his website here!
I downloaded this image from facebook so I don't know to whom the words belong....

However it is the image which interests me the most. Over the weekend, which certainly had challenges for me of a mothering nature, every time I encountered a thought or situation which disturbed my equilibrium this image came to mind, I saw myself as a being emitting a frequency matching my feelings which in turn set me up to receive a similar frequency, almost like a reply from the Universe! So each time I remembered the image I made peace with my life at this moment in time exactly the way it is! 


The rather amazing effect of this was that halfway through the second day of doing it a delicious peace settled over my being I felt a divine calmness unlike any I have known before. I was able to move swiftly through upsetting or uncomfortable situations, I let them go at an incredibly fast rate.

By the end of saturday I felt unusually magical! Peace was reigning in my mind, I was able to enjoy nothing in particular. In actuality I spent the majority of my weekend following my baby round a rather muddy field or shut in a very small campervan simply playing with my baby, in the past this would have been a very challenging scenario for me, but with the help of this image it was a delightful experience. 


Being able to be at peace with whatever is occurring in my life is something I have been striving to do for a very long time, being able to enjoy the world around me exactly the way it is in the moment is a wonderful experience. The world has a new light for me.......


Today I am Thankful for the inspirational artwork of friends I have yet to meet
I am Thankful for the smiles of strangers
I am Thankful for the joy and laughter my baby brought to others this weekend
I am Thankful for the feeling of success
I am Thankful for the astonishing birdsong in the woods at the camp
I am Thankful for the magical trees which circled the camp
I am Thankful for my brilliant campervan
I am Thankful for my ability to drive and see new places
I am Thankful for the stunning sun set last night as we drove home
I am Thankful for having a warm dry space to come home to 


love Klara.

Happiness is a deliberate act of Self Love......

Hello


It seems that I am on a constant search to find ways to feel good about the incredible experience of being alive. 
Life is so simple in so many ways! Get born, share love, grow up, discover your creativity, create, love, laugh, share more love, walk the Earth, immerse yourself in the beauty of the world, Share more love.......


Indeed life is so simple! 


So what happened? How did I end up so entrenched in negative thought that I have had to relearn how to share love, not just with the rest of the world, but also with myself???


The answer to that question is of course complicated, probably long winded and definitely a multifaceted layered onion of a lifetime of stories. Put in short I don't think that looking at the intricate infinite causes will necessarily cure the ailment! 


Coming to terms with my own story is an important part of feeling good, knowing myself and my history helps me to let it go, live in the present, and view life against a backdrop of infinite possibilities not hampered by limitations set by past experiences. 


It is my intention to be deliberate with my thoughts, and to deliberately feel good, I do this by DELIBERATELY CHOOSING TO THINK GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS! 


I have written in the past about the act of using my Will to actively think good feeling thoughts, good feeling thoughts are not just thoughts about beauty or love, passion or warmth, good feeling thoughts are those thoughts which facilitate moving forwards in our minds and in our lives. 


" I shall think deliberately" is a good feeling thought, "I shall make peace with my life" is a good feeling thought, " I shall turn my face towards the sun" is a good feeling thought. 


I used to think that GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS had to be utterly joyous, thoughts which were filled with love and magic, and of course those thoughts really do feel wonderful and if they are on offer then I will certainly think them. However I also gave myself a hard time when those thoughts were not accessible to me! 
Sometimes in life it is necessary to work through uncomfortable feelings and situations and when that happens the best feeling thoughts may not be joyous, but deliberately choosing the best feeling thoughts which are available, and actively deliberately looking for those thoughts is an act of self love. 


Learning to choose good feeling thoughts is about demonstrating self love. If I do not love myself I am not going to thrive! When I show myself love and respect I can only thrive.......


Happiness is a deliberate act of Self Love.....


I intend to thrive, I intend to choose good feeling thoughts in whatever way is accessible to me at the time, deliberate thinking is my way of getting the most out of my remarkable life. 


Today I Give Great Thanks for the evening song of the birds
I Give Great Thanks for the days I get woken at 4am and get to hear the first bird song of the day
I Give Great Thanks for the excitement which thunder and lightening inspires within me
I Give Great Thanks for the joy of singing
I Give Great Thanks for my musical instruments
I Give Great Thanks for the bounty of good food in my home
I Give Great Thanks for fruit
I Give Great Thanks for vegetables
I Give Great Thanks for seeds and grains
I Give Great Thanks for Self Love


love Klara. 

Conscious Active Awareness.....

Hello


Parenting is tough! Looking after a newly walking baby is a labour of love! At the moment I find myself with two options; either I hold the baby and try to get things done, and she doesn't always agree to this option, or I put her down and follow her around whilst trying to get things done. The rather unsurprising result is of course that not much gets done! 


The one rather incredible thing that I can do, the one thing I have a veritable bounty of time and potential for is focusing on that which is Great, Beautiful, Delightful, Delicious and Wonderful in my life! 


The rather wonderful thing about looking after a small baby is the very thing which can make it so hard; when looking after a small baby my mind is not fully occupied because it is not intellectually challenged, nor is it able to relax entirely because I have to be vigilant.  I hold in my hands a double edged sword, a forked path and I continuously have the choice to make about where I focus my attention.
I can choose to notice how untidy my house is, how little time I get to myself, how other people are having a better time than me, how I have not written a song in nearly a year (it's all there in my mind waiting for an opportunity to spill into my consciousness and pollute my experiences),


Or I can choose to notice the blueness of the sky, the light reflected on a new leaf, the sparkle in my babies eyes as she tries a new flavour, the sound of birds singing in the trees behind my house, the burst of zingy juice as I bite into a fresh strawberry, the love I have in my heart for my wonderful family.....
I am fortunate enough to have so much greatness in my life to focus upon!


I call this process a meditation of awareness, conscious active awareness of the world around me! This is a process which can be learnt through the practice of actually doing it! 


It is a blessing from which I have no idea what will grow from within me, I would love to say that I am winning, that I do this meditation of awareness with ease, but it does not come easily to me! I have to be vigilant in so many ways; it is my intention to give my loving attention to my child, but I also need to focus part of my attention on all that FEELS GOOD in my life.......


Of course in the moments that I am fully focused on my baby I forget all about thinking and focusing and challenges, I forget about the humdrum everyday realities which bring about the need to focus on GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS in the first place! 


The power of noticing the incredible wonderment of the world around us is not to be underestimated, ironically I am learning from a true expert about being in the moment and seeing and appreciating the minute intricacies of just about everything; my baby! 


Today I give Great Thanks for my baby and the opportunities for personal growth that mothering provides
I give Great Thanks for meringues and cream
I give Great Thanks for loneliness
I give Great Thanks for the sad beauty of crying
I give Great Thanks for cherries
I give Great Thanks for relaxing
I give Great Thanks for the flow of wellbeing
I give Great Thanks for this computer
I give Great Thanks for our paddling pool
I give Great Thanks for new beginnings


love Klara.