Wednesday, 17 October 2012

What do we really need?


I fell out of a tree yesterday! It was very exciting, I was out walking with my partner at Cadbury Castle in Somerset and we were talking about life and how as I have got older I have lost my sense of adventure in many ways; indeed I have become afraid of doing things which might be fun in case I get hurt. 
It seems like a sensible course of action, I am after all thirty seven and with three children I am in a position of responsibility, indeed I have a duty to take care of myself, do I not? I should be sensible, prudent, rational, sober, boring.........

Life is there to be lived, I don't think my children would be proud of me for avoiding anything which could be fun on the grounds that I might end up a bit hurt! Perhaps having responsibilities is just a convenient excuse anyway, "Oh no I can't possibly climb that tree, I have children you know....." 
Having children doesn't stop me from getting in a car and driving about in a metal box on wheels, or from climbing ladders to change light bulbs. There are rather a lot of accidents (statistically speaking) from falling in this country! 
No! my mind selects things for doing and not doing in a seemingly rational way, after all I need to drive the car, and I do not need to climb trees. Or do I? 

I need to have fun, I need to enjoy my life, I need to feel exhilarated  I need to feel like I am alive! I am here for a physical experience after all, otherwise surely I would not have a body! 

Ipso facto I need to climb trees! Ha! 

So there we were and my partner said "climb that tree, it's perfect for climbing." It was a rather beautiful oak tree with many rather conveniently placed limbs for climbing. I got about seven feet up before the world started to swim around me, my belly tingled in an alarming way and I panicked! I hugged the tree tight, I clung to it for safety for a few minutes and then when nothing happened I started to relax! 
If I was to climb this tree every day I would probably figure out the best way of doing it, it would become second nature, I would not need to be scared. I relaxed some more and realised it was fun! I decided to climb higher, I looked up and down and started to reach up to some higher branches, I felt excited and brave. I climbed a couple of feet higher and then realised that to get any further I was going to have to boost myself up from one foot while pulling my body with my arms.
That was when it happened! I boosted and the branch chose that exact moment to crumble beneath me! What a surprise! Luckily for me my partner was very close to me and he slowed my fall by pushing me bodily into the tree trunk, so it was in fact more of a slide than a fall! 

I landed silently in the nettles! I was rather shocked! I had not been expecting to fall. It was all very very exciting and very exhilarating! I loved it. 
Who knew that falling out of a tree could be a good life enhancing experience? Who knew that climbing and falling were missing from my life?

I am definitely gong to climb more trees, I probably would have tried again yesterday if I had not been quite so sore! I learned a very valuable lesson: always check the branches before you put all your weight on them! After all it's not actually that easy to fall from a tree, something has to go wrong, one would never simply let go and fall off! 

Live life! Live Life ! Live Life! 

This may be the only one you get! This is my life and I'm going to have fun.......

Today I have Loving Gratitude for Trees! 
I have Loving Gratitude for the aches and pains today which remind me of the fun I had yesterday!
I have Loving Gratitude for heavy rain
I have Loving Gratitude for herbal medicine
I have Loving Gratitude for books
I have Loving Gratitude for my house which shelters me from the storm
I have Loving Gratitude for my cosy bed where I sleep and recouperate
I have Loving Gratitude for my children
I have Loving Gratitude for wild food
I have Loving Gratitude for the bravery I found for climbing trees!

love Klara. 

Monday, 15 October 2012

Saying Thank You Feels Wonderful!


There is so much to be thankful for! 

I have been finding it rather difficult lately to stay focused on that which makes me feel good. Summer really felt rather mediocre this year, and really I am specifically talking about the weather! When autumn arrived this year it was almost indistinguishable from the summer, dull days and plenty of rain all round. I fought autumn for a while but I have to admit that it is really here now, the days are getting shorter and darker and the leaves are falling from the trees......

Autumn really is one of my favourite times of year! From my kitchen window I can see a very large sycamore tree, two large patches of its leaves have already turned to a beautiful mixture of reds, yellows and browns; the tree is adorned in glorious technicolour! 

Autumn is a magical show! While falling leaves dance in the wind, those still attached to their trees display a myriad of hues, and those upon the ground crunch beneath my feet in a truly satisfying way! The evenings are drawing in, it is time to put on jumpers and start the heating up, to make big warming stews and dumplings, and bake delicious cakes to munch in the late afternoons.......

Indeed there is much to celebrate in the autumn. 

So here I am again, choosing between different mindsets, I know that I can choose, I have done it so many times before, all the evidence is here in front of my eyes in the form of around one hundred and seventy-five blog posts all about what I have done each day and each moment to motivate my mind into a positive productive way of thinking! 
I know that feeling good is a choice, but I am experiencing a stubbornness, a kind of deliberate refusal to do those things which support my good mental health! Indeed, I am feeling rather cynical! 

The part of my blogs that I find the most uplifting and the most helpful is (rather unsurprisingly) the Gratitude List at the end! I am reading through each and every blog I have written so far, and when I get to the gratitude lists I imagine each thing as I read it, and for a moment and sometimes for quite a long time I feel really very happy, joyful, passionate, excited, sublime!  I smile and laugh, I am moved by the glory of the world.........

There in black and white at the bottom of the page are ten of the things which I love about being alive, ten things which I feel grateful for. It's all in the focus, focus, focus, focus! Shine a light on the glory, shine a light on the love! We are supposed to have fun! 

Shine a light on the beauty of each moment, here is the beauty of autumn, it is only here for three short months every year, it is my joy and my job to notice everything wonderful about the autumn........
So today I feel thankful for thankfulness! 
I feel thankful for the first frosted spider webs in the early autumn sunshine
I feel thankful for tea and cake by a cosy fire
I feel thankful for when the penny finally drops and I understand
I feel thankful for creativity 
I feel thankful for wood polished smooth
I feel thankful for stone polished smooth and shiny by peoples bottoms sliding down it!
I feel thankful for rainbows in my house from sunlight through the fish tank
I feel thankful for the purr of my cats
I feel thankful for my ability to keep trying even when I feel cynical

love Klara. 

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

The Magical Thought Game!


Today I have had a lovely day! 

What's more, it has been raining pretty much all day long, the sky has been grey and brooding and we have spent most of the day inside. I love to be out doors, and in particular I love to be out walking in the woods and the fields, but today that wasn't an option.

Today thinking was easy. Why? I am feeling playful, I have been imagining that thinking is a game, something to have fun with! Today unwanted thoughts did occur, but when they did I saw it as a challenge and I alternated between seeing how quickly I could shift my thoughts onto an entirely different subject, and by attempting not to think. 
I upped the game by thinking up the most amusing things possible in the moment, for example I was at the swimming pool thinking a fairly malevolent thought when I noticed that the cubicle was made of material which looks just like the skin of an orange! So, I imagined for a few moments that I was trapped inside a giant orange floating through space! This made me laugh out loud, I was able to draw myself away from the malevolent thoughts and as I did so I realised that although those kinds of thoughts have a certain addictive quality, (by that I often feel compelled to finish thinking them before I can move on to something more healthy), I realised that the addiction is weakening, I would rather think about Good Feeling Things.  

Thinking good feeling thoughts doesn't have to be a serious thing! I have realised that I am as changeable as the weather, (yesterday it was blue sky and sunshine, today it was clouds and rain) and by that I simply mean that my state of mind is rarely constant, there are moods which pass through my being which I often feel as if I have no control over. 
The more playful I am about my thoughts the easier it is to cope with negative seeming moods, in the past I took thoughts so seriously, I thought that they meant something, I thought that they reflected some aspect of me that needed changing (and perhaps they do in some regards). I found them upsetting, disturbing even, I took them far too seriously! 

My thoughts were burdensome, they were challenging and they were hard work! 

I now believe that much of my thought world is randomly generated. I don't profess to know everything about being human, but I am starting to know quite a lot about how to think myself happy! 

I am enjoying laughing at my thoughts, the less seriously I take them the less power they hold over me and the quicker they dissipate. I used to tell them to clear off but now I find that a simple giggle at their preposterousness usually suffices to send them packing without too much effort on my part! 

I disclaim my unwanted thoughts! 

I disown any thoughts which are going to bring me down or hinder me on my path to happiness!  Life is too short to spend it feeling miserable. 

Today I am Thankful for the way smiling makes me feel
I am Thankful for the smell of freshly baked bread in town
I am Thankful for the sound of people laughing
I am Thankful for the small things which help to bring my mind to happier thoughts
I am Thankful for the love in my life which holds me close
I am Thankful for fairy lights
I am Thankful for flapjacks
I am Thankful for swimming pools
I am Thankful for mossy rocks
I am Thankful for the sound of rain through leaves

love Klara. 

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Parenting Myself!


Today I have been noticing just how often I don't do the things for myself which make life enjoyable! 
What an utterly crazy notion! To know what it is that makes me feel good, and on so many levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and to not do them! 

Surely this is utter insanity! 

What on earth is going on? I do wonder!!!

I got to thinking about this because I was sitting upstairs, leaning over and writing on the laptop which was perched on such a low table that poor posture was the only thing which would allow me to continue! I was reading a past post A Recipe For Joy! and was realising that I have not been following my own advice (!?) and that I would definitely benefit from sitting up straight and having a glass of water. 
So what did I do then? Absolutely nothing! Yes, I know it's bonkers........ I continued to lean, dehydrate and write until my back hurt so much that I could no longer ignore it, and then I got up and moved downstairs to a higher table, made a hot water bottle for my back and drank a large glass of water. 

This is just the kind of thing parents nag their children about every day (or at least I imagine it is and that is the important thing here). Stand up straight, it's good for your posture, drink plenty of water, it flushes out the system, eat some fruit, it's better for your body than sugar..... and the list goes on. Why do parents do this? I believe we are hoping that it will help our children to make informed decisions about their lives so that they grow up healthy and strong and live long and prosper, or is that Star Trek? 

Star Trek or not we all grow up (at least physically) eventually and leave home (in most cases) where we live without our mums and dads and have to follow our own guidance. 
So why don't I do the things which I know are good for me?

Here I am again back on the endless whys! 

Can I skip the whys? Is it important to know why things are as they are? Surely it is better to simply move on to the solution (if there is one), or simply forget about it?

When I ask myself why, I only come up with the lame answer of "I can't be bothered" or "I don't care enough". So why is entirely unsatisfying. 

It just zipped into my brain that perhaps I am afraid of what I could become if I did all the things which I know would enhance, enliven and make juicy my experience of life!

I don't have all the answers, I haven't suddenly changed because of this knowledge, no merging of realities has occurred, no bells are ringing in sheer joy at my discovery.....

I would like to start parenting myself, perhaps now is the time to start being my own mum, at least when my mum is not around! Perhaps now is the time to experiment with doing all the things which I know are good for me?
Adolescence is generally regarded as the stage following the onset of puberty, wherein the person develops from childhood into adulthood, adolescents are famous for taking risks and neglecting the things which they could do to look after themselves. 

Help! Am I a thirty seven year old adolescent? Yeah, but no, but seriously.........

I like the idea of the initiation into adulthood which tribal people are known to still practice, it seems to me that there does need to be some kind of marking of the moment when it becomes the time to look after ourselves to our best ability. As a mother I do a great job of looking after other people, but up until recently I have neglected my own needs. Perhaps I can create a little ceremony to mark my graduation to adult life, even if it is a few years later than it could have been. 

I can't be bothered, is a cop out. 

I'm going to do my best! 

Doing my best is always a reward in itself! Now is the time to do the things which I know will benefit me! 

Today I have Loving Gratitude for the water which hydrates me
Today I have Loving Gratitude for all the tribal peoples of the world
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my children
Today I have Loving Gratitude for paper lampshades
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my hearing
Today I have Loving Gratitude for love and kisses
Today I have Loving Gratitude for sunshine through prisms
Today I have Loving Gratitude for rainbows
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the power of thought
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my mum! 

love Klara.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Do Something Great For YourSelf Today!


Spending time away from writing my blog is showing me exactly how valuable my blog is for my emotional wellbeing! 
My partner was away for a couple of weeks and he has now been back for just over a week, during which time I have spent zero time on my blog.........
Gradually over the time since I last worked on my positive writings poor, thought patterns have set in, gloom has entered the room, in fact an entire herd of spiny lesser spotted doom mongers have taken up residence in my thought world. 

Why? Why? Why? Why can't it be simple? Why should I have to work so hard at being happy in the world? Why is there no magical cure, no Panacea? Eh?

Of course being poor thought forms I could waste masses of time on the whys, I could whittle away hours, days and weeks wondering why and wishing I was different, better, more suited to modern life; and what would I achieve? Most likely Nothing, nada, zilch, other than perhaps a whole entourage of increasingly menacingly negative thoughts and feelings beseeching the world to magically alter my faulty, infuriating, defective brain.

Blah blah blah blah...... Boring Boring Boring, it's so boring. 

What is so boring? Allowing myself to focus on everything that is wrong, and at the moment in particular wondering why things are wrong, because mostly likely I will never find out, so as his holiness the Dali Lama says:

"If there is no solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it. "

So goodbye Why, have a nice day, see you again soon but hopefully for a more enjoyable reason.....
Because I do have a solution! How fantastic, I really do have something that helps, something on which I can depend when I need to find a way to feel better. I have my blog. My little tiny bloggy woo.

Ah! Now I am having warm feelings towards myself (a rather drastic improvement on yesterdays thoughts), Thank you me of the past, thank you me of last year. I did a great thing! I started looking for ways to feel good and now I have a resource to help me. 

I thought that I was going to write about something quite different today, but as so often happens the moment has taken over! 
It is all too easy for me to take myself for granted, and to miss all that I do which is great, 

        Focus is so utterly crucial for me! 

I am sure the list of what I do that is great is very long, part of me doesn't want to make one incase it is short but that is just another thought, thoughts are not real, (what is real? That is a question for another day, here is one of my favourite thought on reality from a past blog post: "Take me or you for example, when I touch you physically, I am not really touching you! this is because we are all mostly space; imagine our bodies, in fact every physical thing, being made of molecules, and  each atom in our molecules is a bubble of electrons around a infinitesimally small nucleus, all chained together to make a frogs spawn like structure of mostly space. We are an atomic sponge which when we come in to contact with other physical things, like each other, our electrons repel each other giving the illusion of touch. In reality (if you'll excuse the pun) we do not touch at all and if electrons did not exist we would all just blend into one and other. we are all mostly space and the space we all occupy is connected, a little like being in one infinite ocean all together.")

Ah yes, Focus, I could focus on why, or all that is wrong with me, or I can focus on what I can do to feel great and what better way than by focusing on my own greatness. At times this could seem like an impossible challenge, like slaying a minotaur or snogging Medusa, so on those occasions I could start small, for example, I cook a great pasta sauce which my children always eat all of without complaining, indeed they usually make happy eating comments! I can be relied upon to make a delicious chocolate cake at the drop of a hat! I am very good at finding things my children have lost, and so on. 

I think what I am trying to say here is that we are in control of what we think, our thoughts are the one thing in life which we can reliably choose, and however minor my successes are when I think about them I feel better than when I think about what I might term my 'failures', and when I focus on something which feels good I am on my way to feeling great. 

Feeling great is a place which I can visit, it is a place where I can stay, I am welcome there, I am happy there and it belongs to me

I deserve to feel great. 

We all deserve to feel great. 

Today I have Loving Gratitude for my blog
Today I have Loving Gratitude for choice
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my ability to make delicious food
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the food in my cupboards
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the courgettes growing in my garden
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my garden
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the rain
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the sun drying my laundry on the washing line
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my friends
Today I have Loving Gratitude for my baby's smiles

love Klara.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Progress is more Beautiful than Perfection!


This week has been going really well so far! 

Two very exciting things have happened to make my life more juicy and joyful!

Firstly I have started a new bedtime routine with my baby which has had miraculous results; I had been struggling away each night spending an hour putting my baby to bed and then breast feeding her up to about nine times throughout night, it was really beginning to wear me out! However the other day a friend explained a way I had not heard of before where one does not have to leave the baby to cry to get her to sleep, hallelujah! I cried and immediately went home to try it! Quite frankly I'm stunned by the results, it is a sweet and gentle way to put a baby to bed, tonight being our third night I actually really enjoyed bed time! Thank you Universe! Thank you Zoe! (my wise friend, mother of five, who told me the method and helped me to have the confidence to try!). Astonishingly my baby also slept eight hours straight, breast fed and then went straight back to sleep until morning! Hooray! 

How wonderful! What a life changing event that was for me, it almost feels too easy, which makes me laugh! Why shouldn't life be easy? Life can be easy and life can be beautiful! The first night I tried the new method I had to be extremely patient, I had to sit calmly and quietly, I gave lots of cuddles and kisses and I experienced the feeing of really knowing that I was doing the right thing for the right reasons for both me and my baby. What a relief! 

Secondly I am thoroughly enjoying the work I have started, I am writing a kind of hand book from my blog! At the moment I am reading through and making notes on each and every blog post I have written, starting from the very beginning. At first I thought it might be a rather laborious task, I had even been putting it off, but it turns out I am absolutely loving every minute of it. I love my own writing! and not only that but it seems that I actually wrote a lot of really great advice for little old me, lots of which I had totally forgotten about. 

Revisiting my blog has rekindled the enthusiasm which was blossoming when I started out on my adventure! All the learning and experimenting with thought techniques seems to be starting to consolidate in my mind and now positive thought patterns appear to be coming to me in a rather automatic way, and by that I mean unprompted and effortlessly. In the past I had to be determined and will-ful in order to persuade, cajole and guide my thoughts into better feeling places! 

At times it was effortless (so it says in my blog!) but now it seems to be a rather predominant behaviour of my thoughts to look for the positive in situations and I am loving it! 

Progress, progress, progress! All I am looking for is progress (even tiny fairy footsteps will satisfy me) not perfection! Progress is delicious, delightful and wonderfully pleasing! 

So here I am today, I am proud of my writings, I am impressed by something I have done, I don't mind that it is unfinished and I don't mind that I have a lot of work left to do! I have a delicious feeling of enthusiasm and I simply can't wait to get cracking with my work! ..........

Today I have Loving Gratitude for my blog posts old and new
I have Loving Gratitude for the moment when my baby saw the moon in the sky and asked me to get it down! 
I have Loving Gratitude for the sleep which is coming my way later on
I have Loving Gratitude for enthusiastic feelings
I have Loving Gratitude for the cycle of the seasons
I have Loving Gratitude for change
I have Loving Gratitude for the sharing of information amongst the human family
I have Loving Gratitude for babies for being so incredibly sweet
I have Loving Gratitude for my baby's trusting nature
I have Loving Gratitude for my life! 

love Klara. 

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Perfection Lies Somewhere Inside Imperfection!


So I am back writing my blog! I am not sure how often I am going to write, but at the moment I am planning to write two or three times a week, and the rest of the time that I would normally be blogging I shall be consolidating all that I have learnt so far on my quest to think good feeling thoughts and achieve self-mastery in order to write some sort of hand book to which I can refer during the dark times of my soul (which of course I am hoping not to have any of, but it can't hurt to be prepared just in case!).

So today is going pretty well so far! and considerably better than yesterday, which is always a good sign! Yesterday I was tetchy! I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I was short tempered about pretty much everything! No particular reason! Days like that trouble me, when I can't figure out why I feel irritable I can often end up feeling a bit confused and unsettled. I get caught up in the 'why?'  
Surely it must mean something? Why must it? Of course along comes the 'Everything happens for a reason' school of thought, which I must say where I live is more than just a school of thought, it's more like a belief! I'm on the fence about that one, however if everything did happen for a reason it's also highly probable that one may never find out the reasons for half the things that happen! 

Life the Universe and everything is so complicated! and yes, it is rocket science! Apparently yesterday the blue moon in pisces was to blame for pretty much everything! And that is exactly my point, if my moods are subject to things like the moon or astronomy I really do have a bats (or was that rats?) chance in hell of divining the 'why' for which I might be jolly, irritable or imaginative at any point in time! 

So, yesterday I was irritable, and it would have been a darn sight easier if I had remembered to just give my self a break! I could have allowed myself to be irritable, perhaps I might have then been able to see the funny side of it (it probably was quite funny from the outside anyway). I am always trying to be so damn nice! Mustn't upset anyone after all, I would always like to put other people's feeling first. So I felt ashamed of my short temper, I felt embarrassed and clumsy. 

So here I am again, learning to be kind to myself! I can't always be perfect, likeable and serene! Sometimes the stars simply have other plans for me. In this experience there lies a whole beautiful selection of lovely learning! 

Each moment I could accept myself exactly the way I am right now! 

Each moment I could take myself less seriously!

Each moment I could be kind to myself and allow irritability as part of life's dance

Each moment I could simply go with the mode of the day, hour or minute and see what I become.......

I am sure perfection lies somewhere inside imperfection and beauty cannot exist without its flaws. I am told that perfect symmetry is not as beautiful to the human observer as asymmetry! 

Ha! This surely means my irritable days are just as important for my wholeness and my beauty as my serene mother Theresa days, and everything in between! Hooray I have just found a reason to be pleased with my irritation! We are not supposed to be perfect all the time, life is a dance...........

Today I am thankful for Divine Inspirations
Today I am thankful for my glasses even though they are bent broken and squashed!
Today I am thankful for well written inspiring books
Today I am thankful for the moon
Today I am thankful for the stars
Today I am thankful for candle light
Today I am thankful for electricity
Today I am thankful for the reclamation yard so full of quirky things
Today I am thankful for statues
Today I am thankful for Love 

love Klara. 

Thursday, 30 August 2012

My Focus is on the Flowers!


Hooray, at last I am back after what seems like ages of not writing my blog! Well I'm glad to be back writing. 

I have had a really fun time this summer even with the rain, after a while it ceased to bother me and I pretty much dispensed of waterproof gear and just got wet! It turned out to be all a matter of attitude for me! 

This rainy summer has inspired me and interested me a great deal! Having suffered so much from depression in winter I feel as though I have been supplied with an extra challenge of a super wet and reasonably gloomy summer! Thank you so much Universe! Do you detect a note of sarcasm? No? Well you should because there certainly was one! The irony of a miserable summer on a weather dependent moody being such as me, has not escaped me! 

So how has it been for me? Really and truly, it has been a challenge of epic proportions! However I also think it has been a very great blessing! Instead of the usual scenario where I just about make it through the winter and am able to entirely forget the trauma of my  depression, this cycle of seasons I made it through the winter in style, with the help of my blogging I found my way each day to good feelings and good feeling thoughts, and then the wet and windy summer has meant for me that the challenge has been continuous for me. Instead of summer arriving and me joyously leaping aboard the sunshine train and forgetting my troubles for a few months, the bizzarre weather has meant that the challenges I face in winter have never been far enough away to be forgotten. 

Well, I hear you say, that doesn't sound so great! But that is where you are wrong, if indeed you are the voice in my head! Sticking with the challenge to think good feeling thoughts has actually been an opportunity to grow and to learn, and I really feel that I have grown and learnt! Hurrah! I am not saying I have all the answers or that I am healed, and here is the instant solution, because I believe self mastery does not happen in a day, a month or even a year. I wish that it would, but then what would be the point?

Learning to think good feeling thoughts, or indeed learning how to actually use the mind, (and by that I mean being the captain steering the ship, rather than flailing around on board a ghost ship crewed by crazy pirates simply allowing whatever thought worlds that happen to arise to lead me into stormy seas) is an act of self mastery. Unfortunately nobody instructed me in the use of my mind as I was growing up, perhaps nobody bringing me up knew that we are in control of our thoughts and that they do not control us? 

We have the absolute power to choose what we think about and what of that hat we choose to focus on, and I would even go so far as to say all of the time! I would like to see some sort of school of thought (if you'll excuse the pun!), where people can come to relearn how to really think, to return to the realm of God, and really enjoy the life that they are leading regardless of how poor thought forms might perceive it! 

On the last day of the last festival I was at this summer, this whole point was beautifully illustrated to me (or comically!) My very great friend Vicki Looked out of her van and upon seeing a friend approaching carrying a beautiful bunch of flowers she said: "ah you've brought me flowers, how kind!" and somebody else pointed out that the lady carrying the flowers had in her other hand a bucket of pooh and said "how do you know she wasn't bringing you the pooh?"

I have a choice: I can focus on the flowers, or I can focus on the pooh!

There are flowers in all seasons, they glow and shine out of the darkest places, their beauty speaks volumes on focus. I love the flowers, I give great thanks for the flowers, sometimes I may have to search for them, but they are there to bring me joy.
My head is full of flowers....... 

Today I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for Flowers!
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for dandelions and daisies which brighten up my lawn
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the foxgloves which rocket their powerful blooms in the braken
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the english rose which daintily colours my hedgerows
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the delicious cornflowers
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the chamomile flowers which reclaim the wastelands we create
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the sunflowers reflecting the glory of the sun!
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the snowdrops heralding the coming of spring
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for the bluebells filling the woods with the hues of the evening skies
I give Great Bouquets of Thanks for all flowers everywhere which fill our world with colour and beauty!

love Klara.

Friday, 15 June 2012

It will all work out well in the end.....


It is the end of a very long and very busy day! We are getting ready for a festival which we are going to tomorrow, we have been setting up our camp today in strong winds and generally racing around trying to get every thing finished in time.......

This is just a little post as I have decided to be kind to myself over the summer and not make myself write posts when it would be a difficult job to get it done. Today is one of those days, where getting it done to my usual standard would mean unnecessary stress for me! 

So my lesson for today was simple: when things are not going so smoothly, when it looks like I will be late I just say to my self " it will be as it is" and I stop worrying! Actually this worked extremely well for me today, it really helped to reduce my stress levels, after all everything usually works out well in the end, and life in itself is perfect. 

Learning not to worry is of course part and parcel of choosing good feeling thoughts, so off I go now into the new horizon full of the intention of making peace with everything and the knowing that it will all work out well in the end. 

Today I have Loving Gratitude for mice and their little noses
I have Loving Gratitude for my yurt
I have Loving Gratitude for the fields waiting for the festival
I have Loving Gratitude for the trees which watch the festival and the world as it passes them by
I have Loving Gratitude for moments when sunlight catches random things made of metal and sends light reflecting around rooms
I have Loving Gratitude for the Great Mystery of Life
I have Loving Gratitude for all the good yet to come
I have Loving Gratitude for colour
I have Loving Gratitude for sound
I have Loving Gratitude for the world

love Klara. 

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Beautiful Aspirations


I wrote a week or two ago about Making Peace with exactly where I am in my life right now. Making Peace with myself and the continuous stream of interactions which I have every day is now never far from my mind! 

Of course, like everything else in my life, it is a work in progress, and I guess today I just feel to write about it again! It is where I am at right now! My baby is crying, make peace. My house is a mess, make peace. I am late for an appointment, make peace. I didn't get enough sleep again last night, make peace. I would like more friends, make peace. Perhaps you get the idea! 

Life contains seemingly endless opportunities to practice making peace! Perhaps after practicing it for long enough it will become automatic? And as I am often hearing maybe there will be fewer and fewer occasions to need to make peace with?

What I like the most about the process of making peace with whatever comes my way is that once I have made peace with whatever it is I need waste no more thought on whatever it was, which means that I am able move on much more quickly than I may have done in the past. Additionally I find that when I am interacting with another being if I am able to make peace quickly it is much easier for me to act with compassion and so avoid further upset, and I find that I am much happier with the outcome and my place in it. 

I really think that the best way to find and spread Peace in the World is to become what we want to experience. Making peace with myself and all my encounters will help me to become a peaceful person, when I become a peaceful person I will spread peace throughout the world just by my very presence. What a wonderfully beautiful thing to aspire to.........

Today I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for all the people who have showed me the way
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for the opportunity to change
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for the opportunity to grow
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for joy
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for love
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for the sun
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for the moon
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for my family
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for all the friends I have met
I have peace in my heart and I am thankful for all the friends I have not yet met

love Klara. 

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Give Yourself A Pat On The Back!


Today I sang a lot! I drove into town singing and then I left my van and walked home through the fields singing all the way. It was a beautiful walk, made all the more beautiful by the fact that I was singing. I was not just singing for pleasure, I was also practicing and learning words to a song which I will perform a few times over the next couple of weeks; it is a song which I wrote about ten years ago, but I have always felt it was unfinished until today! As I walked along I wrote a chorus for it and now I really feel that it is a whole song. Good. 

I sang for a while after I got home, and then I began to think about how great I was feeling. During my singing I had to concentrate very hard, when I practice I sometimes go over the same part of the song several times, I often need to iron out trouble spots where I go flat or hit the wrong note. I was completely absorbed in what I was doing, I forgot about the rest of the world and everything else I have to do, it was blissful. I felt complete happiness. 

Being the parent of a small baby I find it easy to forget what it is like to be absorbed in an activity which engages my entire brain! The majority of my time I need to attend to my baby's needs, or I am doing house work, which means that there is plenty of time for me to contemplate the nature of the Universe or my own personal dramas! 

I do my absolute best to either be completely present with whatever the task is at hand or if it is more a matter of observing my baby and facilitating her then I try my best to simply be in the Now, which is perhaps the same thing. 

The phrase "the devil makes work for idle hands" came into my mind today. I had been completely absorbed in a task, working hard to make a good job of my singing, and when I stopped a whole queue of negative thoughts came trooping in! I think that phrase would be more apt for me if it said "the devil makes work for idle minds" ! 

I don't think there is a moment in my day where I am idle, but the nature of mothering a small baby means that my mind is often only partially occupied, and therefore could be described as idle! To me the devil is simply a word meaning disruption, craziness or negativity, and they are the aspects of thought which I am on guard for! 

So today I am giving myself a pat on the back for doing so well at avoiding the crazy thoughts which can come so easily to people who are not fully occupied. I'm sure that every one is different , perhaps some people thrive from idleness, but I am not one of them. 

My work here is about being kind to myself, opening my heart to love myself as much as anyone can love.....
Knowing myself and never underestimating the path down which I walk is a very important part of learning to choose good feeling thoughts, it can be all too easy to fail to notice what a tough job we do in life, failing to notice what a triumph we are making at being ourselves. 

I am doing a great job of being me! Learning to still the mind and think positively is an act of self mastery. wholly give myself permission to take my time learning all that I need to know to be at peace in my life. 

Today I have Loving Gratitude for the old idioms which highlight the Universal truths about life
I have Loving Gratitude for sweetness
I have Loving Gratitude for salt
I have Loving Gratitude for spices
I have Loving Gratitude for vinegar
I have Loving Gratitude for sea water
I have Loving Gratitude for sand
I have Loving Gratitude for buckets and spades on the beach
I have Loving Gratitude for the phenomenon of talking online to someone I have never met before in another country
I have Loving Gratitude for the sun

love Klara. 

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Yin and Yang.......


I just looked out of the window and to my surprise the sun is shining merrily away and at the same time the sky is very dark grey as if waiting to drench the earth again! It is a very beautiful sight and an inspiring one too! For me it feels like a reflection of how one can feel so many conflicting emotions at any one time, which makes me wonder whether they are conflicting at all? 
The sun is shining but it looks like rain; really sun and rain do go very well together and when they do the most beautiful thing of all happens: a rainbow ! 
And double wow, the word rainbow has seven letters just like the rainbow has seven colours! 

So what? So perhaps conflicting emotions are a sign that something beautiful is about to happen!  

The sky is clearing now and the grey has become a rather beautiful shade of purpley-orange it reminds me of how I imagine the colour octarine to be (Terry Pratchets' imagined colour). A kind of orangey purpley sparkly violet! 

Actually right now I keep noticing things which are neither one thing nor are they another. It seems like a lesson. I am reminded of the YinYang a symbol which my understanding of it is that there is a duality in life but it is an eternal dance where there is always a blend of one with the other, and without this blend and this duality there can be no balance. Yang without Yin is incomplete and one-sided and of course vice versa. 

That seems to be the way with so many things in life, why should thoughts be any different? When there are too many negative thoughts it should be no great surprise that the accompanying feelings are miserable and eventually all consuming. But I am not so sure that that would be the case if the predominant thoughts were all good feeling positive thoughts? 

When I think good feeling thoughts, when I concentrate on that which I am grateful for I feel wonderful and I also feel balanced. I don't know everything and of course I am just speculating on how the world is.......
I have met people in the past who think that we must have bad in order to appreciate the good other wise we would become complacent. Personally I think that is total nonsense! For me it it more that bad experiences help me to hone my preferences for what I would really like to experience. 

Additionally I have experienced those who believe that what goes up must come down, that every high is followed by a low, and indeed I have encountered such experiences but I am certain that it is more like a pendulum which we can bring into balance by learning how to choose our thoughts, therefore reducing the swing of the pendulum......

Life is supposed to be fun, we are here having a human experience to grow and to experience joy and wonderment. We are not supposed to suffer, I don't believe that suffering is necessary........

I believe that our happiness is within our control, we can choose to focus on that which brings us joy, or we can focus on that which does not....... 

I know what I will be choosing! 

Today I have Loving Gratitude for the beautiful things I found today in the charity shop
 I have Loving Gratitude for my children's artwork
 I have Loving Gratitude for tickling
 I have Loving Gratitude for cuddles
 I have Loving Gratitude for kisses
 I have Loving Gratitude for singing
 I have Loving Gratitude for music
 I have Loving Gratitude for the sunshine
 I have Loving Gratitude for the rain
 I have Loving Gratitude for all the contrast which helps me to find balance

love Klara. 

Monday, 11 June 2012

Ten Things I love About Myself.....


Today I feel the need to remind myself about being kind to myself! I started this blog partly as a way of getting through the winter, which has always been a troublesome time for me, and partly as a way of sharing my new found joy in life. Now it is summer, although you would be forgiven for not believing that if you are in England as it has done nothing but rain for a very long time now! 

Ah yes, so now it is summer, our busiest time of the year! We tend to spend much of our summer camped out at festivals across the UK, far from computers and electricity, blissed out whatever the weather soaking up the gloriousness of living outdoors. 

Being outdoors is the single most important thing to me in the whole world! OK that was a slight exaggeration, however you get the idea. Quite often when I am in a bad mood all I need to do is go outside to relieve the feelings, and my partner frequently says "it's the house! you were fine until we came into the house." 

So where am I going with this? Ah yes being kind! I have to laugh at myself as I have been spending an extraordinary amount of time trying to work out how I will write my blog everyday when I am away from home, I have actually been rather stressed about it. How ridiculous is that? Very. 

The whole point of writing my blog is a stress relief, so in the name of giving myself a break I have decided to write my blog when I am at home! The Pure Genius of this idea astounds me! I have also decided that as writing my blog serves me so well when I am struggling with my day to day life, that if I am away from home and I need to write, I shall do it the old fashioned way with pen and paper! How quaint! And perhaps I will find some way of sharing it here when I return home. This means that for a while my blog will not magically appear every day! 

So I have found that the being kind to myself aspect is rather lacking at the moment and I need reminding what it really means. 
At the moment I have been experiencing outbursts of the inner critic; the inner critic is the voice which tells me I am a failure, I am too messy, too disorganised or whatever hook it can find it will go with. I suppose I had taken down my guard and I was feeling so supremely positive that I forgot that the inner critic could still be there working against my positivity. 

So what should I do when that small sardonic voice starts telling me I am doing a bad job? Firstly I should ignore the things it would have me believe, and the second thing which I find useful is to shine a bright light like that from a lighthouse on all that I do which I am proud of. Highlighting my own strong points and talents is a very valuable activity for me. 

Each time the critic rears its ugly head I would like to say ten things I love about myself.......

I love my wonderfully vivid imagination
I love my own cooking
I love how beautifully I can organise a room
I love my sense of style
I love the sound of my voice when I sing
I love my ability to write songs
I love the stories I have written
I love the way I can make other people laugh
I love how affectionate I am
I love my ability to listen to other people

Wow that actually felt really good! I don't think I have ever written down ten things I love about being me! If you are reading this now I would highly recommend that you try this right now! 

Being kind to myself means accepting my self exactly the way I am right now, expecting no more of myself than I am capable of, and by that I mean that in my heart I know that I always do my best! My best will be different from day to day, I believe that human beings are different from day to day, there are so many factors which affect our equilibrium and our orientation each day, so what was my best yesterday is very likely to be different to what my best will be today. I am by no means excusing myself for poor behaviour, more that I am aware that planet Earth is a complicated place, we are energetic beings and as such must be subject to the energetic forces of our Universe.

So there it is, I shall continue to do my best to turn up here every day and tell the world about my life! How grand! And when I don't turn up it is because I am having a good time in a field somewhere playing music and thinking up new ways of making myself happy.......

Today I am Thankful for my exercise of thinking up what I love about being me
Today I am Thankful for swimming pools
Today I am Thankful for love 
Today I am Thankful for exciting visits from old friends
Today I am Thankful for laughter
Today I am Thankful for my beautiful children
Today I am Thankful for all the beautiful children filling the world with laughter
Today I am Thankful for bees
Today I am Thankful for trees
Today I am Thankful for ancient giant redwoods

love Klara. 

Sunday, 10 June 2012

Waiting for an Avalanche of Positivity.


I'm having a quiet day, it is raining again and I am considering becoming an aquatic creature like a mermaid or a frog, just until the rain stops, either that or I might just start building an ark and collecting together two of everything......
We have all been stuck inside for days on end, it's not that I don't like rain, because actually I do but I have totally inadequate clothing to deal with the wetness that occurs when I spend time out in it! 

I was feeling quite rubbish for most of today, I ate food which disagreed with me yesterday, I slept late this morning and by seven thirty this evening I still had not done the three things I love to do each day: sing and play a song, go for a walk, and write my blog! 

My mood was plummeting and I was about to give in totally and just go to bed, which was what  I thought my baby needed, but somewhere from within me came the small voice which told me not to give up or give in, I had made a commitment to myself: I had made a commitment to do the things for which I have great passion! 
So I got back up, went downstairs and played a song, which of course brought me quite far back into myself. Then hooray and pretty much hey presto: my baby fell asleep, so I set off on my walk. 
It was an evening walk in the rain, not heavy relentless rain but that soft kind of rain that gets you really wet without you realising it's happening! It was a strange walk as I did not pass one single human being in forty five minutes which is odd because I live in a town and although I went into the fields I did not go far from the town. 

The birds were singing their evening song and I was struck by just how much everything has grown over the last week! All the pathways are becoming overgrown, the plants heavy with lush verdant growth, I particularly love the smell of rain soaked vegetation. 

So now here I am writing my blog. I feel enormously grateful for the small voice which made me get up and do the things I love. I was feeling very sorry for myself, I don't know what inspired such a despondent mood but it was beginning to consume me. Thoughts reproduce in their own likeness and in my experience it does not take many to start an avalanche of negativity.........

Hooray! I am feeling much more positive than I was earlier! and hooray for the fact that thoughts do reproduce in their own likeness because of course that works in my favour too; I am looking upwards with bated breath waiting for the avalanche of positivity.....

Today I Give Thanks for the sweet rain
I Give Thanks for my commitment to do what I love every day
I Give Thanks for ancient trees in the town
I Give Thanks for the rampant overgrowth fed by all this rain
I Give Thanks for the proliferation of rainbows fed by the rain
I Give Thanks for my lovely white guitar
I Give Thanks for my rich voice
I Give Thanks for my legs which carry me near and far
I Give Thanks for bedtime
I Give Thanks for the morning to come full of possibility

love Klara.