Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Have Fun Right Now


It's a stunningly beautiful day today and I'm still feeling playful, hooray!

I feel like a beautiful sun has risen in my mind, showering all the dark corners with the light of rediscovering a childhood Joy: PLAY!!!

I will be thirty-seven in March, and I have been a mummy since I was twenty-one! I have spent almost my entire adult life caring for my wonderful children, and although I have often read or heard of people who say that their children keep them young, I think that perhaps I had allowed or enabled the opposite to happen to me!

You see I took it all so seriously, I received quite a lot of criticism for becoming a mum so young (or at least I perceived that I received it!), so I was determined to do a fantastic job of it and be a brilliant mum. I am proud of my mothering, my children are happy and funny and kind, and this feels like success to me. My idea of being a good mum meant that I stressed about a lot of things, and gradually I think I forgot about ME, I gave up playing games and having fun and taking delight in my physical body.

Although I have played a great deal with my children, I often used to berate myself for not being one of those mums who is content to sit and play with their kids all day, and bake! I can bake a fantastic chocolate cake, but my house seldom smells of fresh bread....

However in the last couple of years I made a discovery which shone a bright light on why I found play so difficult; I was not entirely present. I used to try to play whilst allowing myself to think about something else, I don't know whether my children noticed, but it certainly spoilt the fun for me and I'm afraid that in my confusion I concluded that I was just not a playful person!

The idea that I am not playful makes me laugh out loud now! I have learnt to be in the present, focused entirely where I am physically, and yes it did take practice for me - the hardest part was that I had to convince myself that it was ok to think whatever it was that I wanted to think about later on, I wouldn't forget it entirely and nothing bad would happen; in fact quite the opposite, Something great happened!

                                                 I HAD FUN!!!

I believe I am here on planet Earth to have a physical experience, to create what I would love, to write to sing to draw and paint, and to have a beautiful time. It is so easy to forget to delight in the physical; aches and pains can get in the way, everyday life, paperwork, housework and whatever else needs to be done, but does it really all need to be taken so seriously? Couldn't we make the mundane fun? Find mirth in the banal? Glory in our own being-ness while we effortlessly glide through the world?

What would really happen if I make a game out of the laundry? I could time myself, make patterns out of hanging out the clothes, sing while I do it, take delight in all the wonderful fabrics and colours and textures which I can feel with my incredible skin and nerve endings.
What if I run down the isles in the supermarket and rearrange things on shelves while no-one is looking? What if I arrange all my items on the checkout in a humerous way? Who will care? Who will tell me not to? Who made the rules which say I ought not to rock the boat? Must I really pass unnoticed?



        Get Happy. Choose Good Feeling Thoughts. Have fun, play games. Look for the fun in life.

There are no awards for looking cool, no medals for mediocrity, only I witness my own life and until I work out what it is that I really want to say to the world, until I hone my unique talents, I am going to have fun just simply BEING ALIVE - breathing, eating, washing up, typing, sweeping the floor,

                               whatever you are doing - 
    Do It With Panache, do it with Style, do it with Humour and
                                            Enjoy it.

Today I am Thankful for drinking straws
I am Thankful for the swings in the park
I am Thankful for party poppers
I am Thankful for water slides
I am Thankful for gentle teasing
I am Thankful that I can take my life less seriously
I am Thankful for determination
I am Thankful for practice making progress
I am Thankful for swimming lakes
I am Thankful for climbing trees

love Klara.


Monday, 30 January 2012

Be Playful - Be Free


I had a brilliant day today.

I woke up from a night of strangely poignant dreams - people were encouraging me to play music at a folk night but I didn't want to join in, I felt irritated at the apparent success of some younger people who had not been playing for so long - upon waking I had some rather familiar old thoughts, something along the lines of

  "I'll never be a successful musician, I'm not very good anyway, music is stupid......."

I was quite surprised by these thoughts, although when I first wake up I am sometimes quite groggy and unreasonable, but once I was up and dressed I put my mind to thinking better feeling thoughts. At some point I remembered a section of "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron in which she talks about jealousy and rivalry, from what I remember she suggests that those thoughts and feelings can be used in a positive way, they are in fact very useful: they indicate action which one needs to take in order to fulfil ones deepest desires.
Because envy feels unpleasant it can be easy to get caught up in the negativity of it and spiral downwards (for example I have often felt guilt for being envious), but if one views jealousy as an indicator of desire it can be a tool for the good; in the case of my dream, I would love musical success (what ever that is!).

This lead me to some more thinking about thoughts and specifically how unpleasant feeling thoughts could be used to ones advantage. I have been having quite a troublesome time lately motivating myself to Think Good Feeling Thoughts, I had become bogged down by those convincing thoughts, you know the ones which very persuasively insist that you ought to be thinking them, the tricky sticky ones.......(my post from the 1st of january -Seeing the Woods amongst the Trees addresses this topic).

Have you ever had one of those conversations where the participants neglect to comment on what each other says and just use each others thoughts like a catalyst for their own thoughts? My partner calls it Spring-boarding, for me this always conjures up an image of high diving!

So I decided to use my thoughts, negative or positive, as a Spring-board for Great Feeling Thoughts, for each thought which came into my mind I asked myself the question: "where can I take this thought so that I feel better?" I called it the Spring board game.
For example for thoughts about money I turned

"we don't have enough" into: "we always manage to have enough to eat, we eat delicious food, we are so fortunate, we have mangos......"

"I have no time to do anything" I Spring-boarded to: "yesterday I had a bath, I wrote my blog, I danced, I laughed, I gave thanks........"

"I'm so tired" I used to think: "but later I can snuggle in bed, everything passes, everything is a phase, like the phases of the moon...."

"You are so annoying" I sprung into: "You are beautiful, you are kind, you are generous, you are very funny......."

And yes I know it's simplistic, thoughts are more complicated and persistent than that...... or are they?, it's just a game. I am here in this body for a physical experience, and it's a wonderful body and a wonderful life, and I am having a physical experience. One of the things I have always loved is playing games, and as an adult I have done less and less of it, I remember at school sports used to be called games; some people grow up and devote their lives to sports, or games.

Life can be a game, it's supposed to be fun, we are supposed to enjoy it, we have a right to enjoy our lives. It's so easy to take everything so seriously, I know I have done in the past and I honestly don't think my seriousness has changed the outcome or served me in any way, all the seriousness has done is make me feel bogged down, tired, overwhelmed and miserable.
I think part of my life is about looking for the beauty, looking for the fun and finding ways to easily think good feeling thoughts.

I feel playful. It's the end of January, I am going to make it through winter IN A GOOD MOOD!!!!! I am going to do my upmost to enjoy my life, I am going out to play in the rain, in the snow and in the sun. I am going to enjoy my physical nature.......

Today I am thankful for Peter Pan
I am thankful for dew drops on flowers
I am thankful for hide and seek
I am thankful for hop scotch
I am thankful for skipping
I am thankful for leg warmers
I am thankful for ear muffs
I am thankful for my trampoline
I am thankful for hoola hooping
I am thankful for people who devote their live to play

love Klara.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

An Astronomically Healthy Mind!


Hooray! last night I had quite a good nights sleep and today I feel quite ordinary...

I would like to know what are the factors which govern daily or even hourly moods/modes? Some days, hours and moments it is so easy to choose Good Feeling Thoughts and other times it can be hard work, a real effort.

Today was so easy, I laughed, danced, talked and moved around my day feeling jovial and good natured. Last sunday I was a thoroughly different human, I was wild and passionate, today in comparison I am practically from another planet!

What in the world is going on? What governs the changes which take place inside one being? This is a question I have asked before and it was my intention to track my moods/modes daily and the methods I am using to attain a good feeling - but at the moment that is still a work in progress.

Tracking moods and methods is ok, but I would like to have some kind of explanation for the why? Why such a great change from one day to the next?
It's complicated being a human!!!

Being alive is a wild (or peaceful) ride on an astronomical roller-coaster! I just laughed out loud at the idea that one should be able to maintain one rational, ordinary, peaceful, sensible state of mind for an hour let alone a day, a week or a year!! It's so clear suddenly that it's funny!

I have never really been interested in astrology, not much more than in a conversational way - I'm a Pisces by the way, and apparently not a typical one - what ever that is!
However I just had a vision of the world in my mind, a mighty vision a Universal vision........

Have you heard of Astronomical cycles - The eccentricity of the Earth's orbit, the axial tilt and the precession of the equinoxes? In other words the way the Earth moves in space, the precession is often described as the wobble! We are tiny little beings traveling through space and time on a giant rock, the centre of which is solid iron (so I'm told) that is surrounded in molten magma and between that and me is tonnes of rock and earth. Gravity keeps me on planet Earth. Atmospheric pressure moves air and water all around the surface of the planet.

When I look up into the sky at night there are thousands of stars, no millions, no billions......

There are other planets out there in the Universe.....

The moon governs the tides of the oceans and the water in my body.....

The Sun is a star made of hot plasma and magnetic fields 109 times the diameter of the Earth.......

People can communicate using telepathy (check out Elimination communication if you are not convinced of this - it's an ordinary form of telepathy used all over the world).....

My cats love my next door neighbour and always get excited ten minutes before he gets home.......

Every day I eat different foods grown all over the world......

I am surrounded by electricity, wireless internet and countless mobile electro magnetic frequencies.....

My body has hormonal cycles which allow me to reproduce and do countless other things.......

So really I think that's the answer!!!!! I guess I just have to accept the things I cannot change, I will never know what are the factors which govern my moods and how easy it is to reach for and sustain good feeling thoughts.

I congratulate myself for any success that I have in choosing Good Feeling Thoughts, I acknowledge that there are probably thousands of factors influencing my being at any one time and that if I am at least trying to shepherd my unruly thoughts into a good place then I am doing well.

No I'm not copping out, I'm just noticing that the world is actually a MYSTERY!!! Nobody knows why we are here, every day scientists discover something new to contradict yesterdays discoveries about the nature of the Universe.

THE WORLD IS ASTONISHING, an amazing mystery unfolding and I have an infinitesimally small amount of time being Klara (think geological time).

Here's to my healthy mind and here's to yours too.

Today I give thanks for The Great Mystery
I give thanks for the sun rising each morning
I give thanks for the rabbit in the moon
I give thanks for shooting stars
I give thanks for telescopes
I give thanks for tides and waves
I give thanks for astronomers
I give thanks for astrologers
I give thanks for little fluffy clouds
I give thanks for my heart mysteriously beating in my chest

love Klara.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

A Rampage of Appreciation for Water


In celebration of my fourth week of writing this blog, about my exploits into the realms of CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS instead of being a victim to bad feeling thoughts, today I am going to go on a Rampage of Appreciation

A Rampage of Appreciation focuses my attention in a beautiful and sustained way for an extended period of time, I use it to bring my awareness to the great wonders of the world, I feel it is important to bring them to the forefront of my mind; to my conscious mind - and yes of course I know they are out there but I can choose not to focus on them, Habitually. 
Why am I labouring this point? Because I need to, it's for my own benefit! I have a need to learn that the world is stuffed with incredible beauty, magical occurrences, fantastic experiences, delightful people, and mind expanding knowledge, and I need to actively look for it, focus upon it and enjoy it. This simple act brings about a surge of good feelings to my body and mind and draws me beautifully away from that which I have had enough of, that which I no longer need, and that which does not feel good, it brings me back to the divinity of life. 

You see the thoughts and feelings that I am currently encountering are very stubborn, it's almost as if I don't want to progress any further, I don't want to heal, I don't want to change. Perhaps I am comfortable the way I am (in a subconscious way), perhaps I feel safe in trauma and suffering?
The reality of my personal disfunction is not by its nature jolly or uplifting! 
But I am on a mission! A mission to heal and grow and change, and I am committed to that mission, and I will take the rough with the smooth and I look to the day when I burst forth from my chrysalids and blossom into a beautiful butterfly: 

                  Wild and Free xxxx

This is a Rampage of Appreciation for Water.......

I give thanks for water, my words seem so tiny compared to all that water is, I love water, I delight in water

I love the rivers, I am so thankful for every tiny little stream twisting and turning it's merry way through across the Earth. I give thanks for every vast raging river coiling and coursing through the beauty of the land and I love every water way in between. I love that water cannot be contained, it cannot be directed, it is mighty in that it will find its own way, I love that it is wild by it's very nature, I love the rivers and I give thanks for the water that creates and drives them.

I love the Oceans, I give great thanks for the Oceans covering our earth, I love their unimaginable vastness, I love that there are parts of the Oceans that have never been touched, Thank you for the Oceans. Thank you for the incredible diversity of life which the water of the oceans supports. I give thanks that water can contain such mysteries that we can never even know or see them. 

I give thanks for the standing waters, I love their stillness, I love their quietness and their silent beauty, I love the tarn at the top of the mountain and the pond at the bottom of the garden. I give thanks for the mysteries contained within the waters of lakes. 

I love the way that water feels on my skin, I give thanks for the way it holds me when I swim in still water and I give thanks for the way water pushes and pulls me when I swim in rivers and oceans. I love to be pounded by the waves and pulled in the currents of the rivers. 

I give thanks for the pressure I feel on my chest when I lie at the bottom of the pool and the stillness I feel in my heart. I love the way that water can hold my physical body and my mind that can only occur in the waters.....

I give thanks for the cool water that hydrates my body and feeds my good feeling thoughts in my mind. 
Thank you for the rain, gentle fine rain - I love you, and great heavy stormy drops I adore you. 

I love water, Thank you divine oneness for all that water is....

and of course there is far more to be thankful than I could ever mention here and much that I have yet to discover!

love Klara. 

Friday, 27 January 2012

Melt down into Sunshine!


I went for a beautiful walk today, it was early morning and I climbed a steep hill and looked out at all that was below; that which I cannot see when I am surrounded by it. The view was beautiful. It could have been a really peaceful walk, I could have walked and breathed the fresh air, and taken in the beauty of the landscape, the moss growing on the trees and the bunnies hopping by......

But no, a massive helicopter flew by so close to the ground that the earth itself shook, trees trembled and birds flew for cover, it swooped around me in a circle and then flew off. Ok, that would have been fine on it's own but it sparked off a massive debate, which led to me having a complete melt-down about the way I feel about being alive. I think I may have got to the root of my past negative habitual way of thinking. Underneath and underpinning all of my thinking and beliefs about life both trivial and deep lies a thought, a belief, which I believe generates much of my negative thoughts all by itself. Everything I think and do is marred by or edged with that one belief which I have held ever since I can remember: and that one belief frames me as a VICTIM!

Actually it's an enormous relief to have rooted out that belief, and it seems to me that it has come about through my work at discarding my old negative thought patterns, in favour of consciously CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS. It seems like a funny irony that upon actively thinking positively for so long that all the really negative stuff from my subconscious is bubbling up to the surface. Poignantly contrary!

However even though it is in direct contradiction to my underlying belief that I am some sort of victim, I have no desire to be a victim, I have no interest in being a victim, so it is now extremely important to me to drop that belief, to discard it, to root it out, chop it off and be completely done with it!!!!!

I have a new mission to add onto my existing one (to learn to choose positive feeling thoughts, to enjoy winter, and above all to learn the secret of being happy with life exactly the way it is right now): to rid myself of the limiting belief that I am somehow a victim.

I CHOOSE TO EMPOWER MYSELF.  I choose to find a way to heal my childhood belief. I choose FREEDOM. I choose good feeling thoughts and good feeling ways of being.

If I spend the rest of my life thinking that I am a victim of something, what does that really mean? The opposite to being a victim to me is to be in control, and if control is an illusion (I cannot really control anything, the only thing that I know for sure is that at some point my body will die!), then the opposite of being a victim it is to be in the driving seat. I am the captain of my ship, and just like in the sea I may not be able to steer an exact precise course, but I can certainly choose the direction and which countries I would like to visit. I can choose whether to course the dark stormy atlantic or to cruise through the turquoise mediterranean or to just get stuck in the doldrums.

I think this is a break through point and an opportunity to move into a new paradigm. May I come SHINING THROUGH INTO THE SUNLIGHT!!!

I give thanks today for the moment that I awoke
I give thanks for the sun which is always out there behind the clouds
I give thanks for the things which appear to be bad but turn out to be greater than great
I give thanks for my children's laughter
I give thanks for hail stones in the sunshine
I give thanks for the spirit of medicinal plants
I give thanks for the coming of spring
I give thanks for the promise of spring flowers
I give thanks for the turning of the seasons
I give thanks for fennel tea

love Klara.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Touched by Thought.


Today I feel good, I feel healthy and I feel strong. I just re-read my Recipe for Joy post it made me smile, and for a while I paused and felt out Hugging.
Hugging is so important and so underrated, and I have just made a discovery! I was able to imagine hugging people and with each person I envisioned hugging the hug felt different, and not just subtly different but as if I were hugging that actual individual and receiving their own particularly special way of hugging and sharing and transmitting love. I felt as if I had been hugging my friends for real, or rather in real time (I'm going to stop here with the real thing as that leads to an altogether different tangent - what is reality?).

However this brings me back to thoughts of how thoughts really work and how they affect us physically?

I always took it for granted that thoughts were not real, and by that statement I mean not physical. Physical is defined in many ways, but in particular pertaining to that which is material, in other words you can touch it. I can't touch my thoughts, BUT THEY CAN TOUCH ME!
It is well documented that thoughts affect the physical processes of the body, for example worry can cause headaches, fatigue, nausea and chest pains to name but a few, whilst laughter releases endorphins from the pituitary gland which produce a delicious feeling of well being. So if the effects of thoughts are physical it would surely be wise to consider the thoughts themselves as physical?

Thinking unpleasant thoughts about myself, anyone or anything else must be akin to handling toxic substances - it's poisonous!! Bad feeling thoughts put the body under stress and quite a lot of the time the thoughts that were thunk were thunk for no good reason! You know the kind - pointless worries, focus on other people to distract from oneself, self deprecation etc. Oh my word! How many times a day do you think BAD FEELING THOUGHTS?
I know that at this stage in my development (week 11 into my thought choosing mission) I think unpleasant feeling thoughts perhaps every other day, I haven't been counting individual thoughts (!), I would have needed some kind of tally counter before I set off on my mission, particularly in winter.........

Earlier today I had an unpleasant feeling thought, and I could have followed that train of thought, but something interesting happened; I experienced a counter thought and it was something like "No, I know where that can lead, and I'm not going there!" and the next thing I did was to look out of the window for something beautiful to focus upon. What a success! It brought with it a rush of good feeling, simply for my progress!      
                                          I have made progress!!!!
           I have successfully changed an old thought pattern!

 and I know for sure that there is a change because the shift away from the negative path was automatic, it required no conscious effort whatsoever. I am now having a Mrs Doyle moment! (smug! in a good way!).
How wonderful.
Today's blog took time, there were frequent interruptions and I had to keep going off to be mummy, but I see now that it was a good thing. I had all day to work out and notice that I have made progress. I learnt last year to look for progress and I'm very grateful for that.

Today I am thankful for my progress
I am so thankful that I kept trying even when it seemed that I wasn't progressing
I am thankful for my friend who inspired me into thought choosing action
I am thankful for all the people who have ever hugged me
I am thankful for the people who share their wonderful discoveries which help others to live in peace and happiness
I am thankful for glorious sunshine
I am thankful for the feel of the rain on my face
I am thankful for the vision of huge rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds
I am thankful for contrast
I am thankful for my life

love Klara.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

The Path of Amazement!


Every day I receive a poem in my email inbox as if by magic, from something called the Poetry Chaikhana (http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/) they are sacred poems from around the world.
 Yesterday the poem which arrived amazed me! It amazed me because its theme is Amazement.....

       The Path of Amazement   

      by Seyyid Seyfullah Nizamoglu (16th Century)

 I cannot say who it is I am
I am amazed, I am amazed!

I cannot call this self 'myself'
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

Who is in my eyes seeing?
Who is in my heart enduring?
Who is inhaling and exhaling?
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

Who is speaking with my tongue?
Who is listening with my ears?
Who is understanding with my mind?
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

Who is stepping with these feet?
Who is tasting with my mouth?
Who is chewing and who swallowing?
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

Who holds these riches in his hand?
Who is the one throwing them away?
Who is buying and who selling?
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

Why is there life coursing below my skin?
Why are my eyes bloodshot from crying?
Why this religion, why this faith?
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

O Seyyid Nizamoglu, hear this:
Everything comes from the One.
Abandon yourself to this mighty beauty
          I am amazed, I am amazed!

English version by Jennifer Ferraro and Latif Bolat

I love this poem because it embodies how I would like to feel about life, I would like to really and truly every day feel amazed to be alive, I would like to feel pure enthusiasm for my precious human life. I would like to abandon myself to the mighty beauty!!

It seems that it is so easy to stop being amazed at the glory of life, so easy to become entrenched in what "is" and how it is rather than looking with new eyes every morning (like Lalla in Go Naked and Dance, an earlier blog post of mine http://klara-darling-swann.blogspot.com/2012/01/hello-today-is-day-four-of-my-blog.html). 

I have noticed that whenever I actively imagine that I have no history and imagine that I am new, something very amazing and interesting happens to me and around me. That something is that the world behaves differently !!! 
The sky is bluer, she sun shines more radiantly, the silver lining on the clouds is more vivid, and the breeze tastes sweet. A heightened sense of the world is not the only thing though; my interactions with other beings are greatly enhanced, people smile more, they feel more open, everyone laughs more and above all people tell me their uplifting stories instead of their woes!
All my interactions are smoother and more pleasant, all the things I need to achieve throughout my day occur with ease and even panache!! My world is changed by my simple act of being new.

I remember hearing a story as a child of somebody who had a series of unpleasant encounters with other people, I don't remember the exact story but I think it was something about being jilted, anyway the woman the story was about experienced rejection and became BITTER. I am very glad to have heard that story as it stayed with me like a warning; the woman lost her joie de vivre, she had a sour taste in her mouth, the world looked dark and she grew old alone, her face was twisted and her interactions were unhappy.

I don't usually enjoy sad stories but this one helped me in the past to be aware of how I interact with the world. I guess the message of this story is not to hold on to the bad things which happen, actually its probably an archetypal story because Miss Haversham of Dickens's "Great Expectations" just sprang to mind, the crazy old lady shut away in her crumbling mansion furious with the world for one bad interaction.......

So have you ever noticed the enthusiasm of puppies? I love seeing people walking their dogs, especially puppies. They bounce along sniffing absolutely everything, tails wagging, smiling eyes and an almost constant ENTHUSIASM FOR LIFE!!!
That is what I'm aiming for, I want to have a puppy like enthusiasm for life and I believe it rests in noticing and being thankful for the beauty of life, recognising the incredible creation which is a human being, of which I am one, and being new.


Today I am amazed at the blueness of the sky
I am amazed at the song of the birds outside my window
I am amazed at the softness of my skin
I am amazed at the richness of my voice and my ability to sing to the hills
I am amazed at my baby's new teeth emerging from her gums
I am amazed at the intricacy of my finger prints
I am amazed at the taste of mangos
I am amazed at the warmth of your smile
I am amazed at the amount of stars in the sky
I am amazed at my opportunities to grow

love Klara.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

A Recipe for Joy!


I have to have a good laugh today! Partly at myself, and partly with relief. I woke feeling OK today and upon coming downstairs I had a slump, and my partner said to me "Sing!"


Of course! What are the ingredients of Joy? If there was a recipe for Joy what would it be?

Essential Ingredients:
Have a shower
Favourite clothes
Large glass of cool clear water
Stand up straight
Look to the horizon
Pictures of Kittens/puppies/wolf cubs/seal cubs
Hug someone


Have a shower; showers, waterfalls, fountains, sea spray and rainwater are an abundant source of negative ions which are hugely beneficial to the feeling of well being.

Follow this shower by putting on your favourite most comfortable clothes to be Ready for Joy to arrive, Joy won't mind if you look your best but if you happen to catch sight of yourself in a mirror YOU will be pleased.

Drink a large glass of cool water; dehydration leads to poor brain function, memory loss, a multitude of aches and pains and a severe lack of energy, ordinary body functions expel up to a gallon of water every twenty four hours and it needs replacing with clean water; try loving it too!

Stand or sit up straight! Poor slumped posture leads to reduced amounts of oxygen getting to the brain; energy levels plummet and negative emotion is invited in. Or adopt a posture which you associate with confidence or good humour - scientists (!) have found that adopting a winning posture can induce winning feelings!

Looking to the horizon helps with good posture but also there is much unnoticed beauty on the horizon, walk around with your head down and you will only see the dirt...

Look at some pictures of cute furry animals, this works for me to feel more loving and content.

Hug somebody, anybody! Get some physical contact if you can, hugs lower blood pressure, reduce stress and increase nerve activity and of course feel marvellous! Hugs are free and are 100% wholesome!

Shout words of joy to the world! Use your voice!

Run/jump/hop, go on just for the sake of it, it increases your heart rate and this is good for all round health, also I feel like a child again, in the best possible way; invigorated and alive!

Dance dance dance your favourite or silliest dance, do it just because it feels good!

Sing, sing, sing!

I can't believe that I had got so caught up in the art of feeling good that I had forgotten to sing! No wonder I wasn't feeling so good! I am laughing out loud as I write this! I have spent a large proportion of my life singing, learning and writing folk songs. (If you are interested you can find some of my work here:http://www.forcenra.com/listen-to).
Singing is my heart and soul connection to the divine, and although I do sing everyday, I have not for some time just done it purely for the sheer joy and passion of it!

So today I have sung, loudly and boisterously, quietly and softly. I can't believe it's possible to get pulled or pushed, drawn or seduced so far from one of my major passions in life, but it is! And I'm pretty sure it's happened before......

Today I am thankful for songs of Joy, ancient and modern
I am thankful for my vocal chords
I am thankful for my powerful lungs
I am thankful for the oxygen in the air
I am thankful for hugs
I am thankful for clean water
I am thankful for warm clothes
I am thankful for new songs
I am thankful for old passions re-ignited
I am thankful for the voice of my Soul

love Klara.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Life is a Challenge!


What a full weekend I have had. I am very happy to say that I did get my wild and windy walk in the end. The wind really helped to blow away all my cobwebs. One thing that I have really noticed in my mission to feeling good is that exercise is really important for me. I have always been a very physical being, and there is definitely a substantial link between doing exercise and the way I think and feel.

I don't think humans were made to sit around indoors all the time looking at screens or bits of paper, that sounds ridiculous, of course we weren't! Several thousand years ago we would have been running daily across hillsides chasing other animals, or being chased! I'm not saying I'm not glad that I don't have to outrun saber toothed tigers every day (or at all for that matter) its just that I am having a physical experience and I would like it to be a bit more physical!

Having a small baby presents a lot of challenges for me, I am practicing the kind of parenting where I hold my baby when she wants to be held (which is pretty much all the time) I feed her when she is hungry and I sleep next to her. I am doing this because it feels good, it feels right and people frequently comment on what a happy baby she is. However I am not getting much time at the moment to move around!

If I could I would trampoline, swim, walk miles and dance a lot, and I think all that exercise is fundamentally conducive to easily thinking good feeling thoughts. So I have a challenge on my hands.

Today I need to focus on the idea of challenge more than usual, I have been experiencing a large amount of negative thought surrounding what I would call my external circumstances or environment. I wonder what is really going on here?

Many religious and spiritual teachings which I have come across have in their doctrine some form of the adage "As within, so without". What does this mean? The way I'm interpreting it today is that when my inner world is in turmoil, the outer world also appears less friendly.

It's so easy to slip into a way of thinking that works in a negative way; I feel miserable because of so and so or such and such, or if I had more money a bigger house or a better career then I would feel great.  I blame my circumstances.

My real Challenge is to work with my mind, I am going to try to continuously give myself the reflection that over the last eight weeks nothing in my external world has actually changed for the worse, some things have indeed changed for the better! It's all back to that old chestnut of how I'm viewing it!

Where have my rose tinted spectacles been? I seem to have exchanged them for mud tinted ones!!!

I guess the work I am encountering and the mission I have embarked on is harder and more of a challenge than I at first realised. What do I do when the going gets tough??

This is a good question for me. I'm not going to crumble. When Perseus finally met up with Medusa, and realised that she could turn him to stone with one look, he didn't say "hmm perhaps I'll just sneak out the back door and become a waiter instead". When Theseus found himself in the labyrinth with the Minotaur he didn't just look for a way out, he took the bull by the horns (if you'll excuse the pun) and fought with all he had for his life, and he WON!

I may not be Theseus or Perseus, but I do have my own personal Medusa and a Minotaur to slay, they are dressed in the clothes of negative thoughts, and they are easily created in the labyrinth of my mind.  When I am feeling low or tired they rear their ugly heads........

So I have to face the challenges of a Greek Hero!

I like the idea of Challenge when it is dressed up in a romantic way! It seems exciting, exotic and interesting. I also like the idea of "as without so within, as above so below".
Perhaps eventually, or rather, I shall aspire to being so happy within that my without looks and feels beautiful all the time too.

Today I am Thankful for inspiring literature
I am Thankful for delicious food prepared lovingly
I am Thankful for babies laughter
I am Thankful for freckles
I am Thankful for my children's first pictures
I am Thankful for cuddles
I am Thankful for coming in from the cold to a warm fire and a warm heart
I am Thankful for the power of song
I am Thankful for Terry Pratchett
I am Thankful for my home

love Klara.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Passionate and Stormy like the Wind.


I feel Wild and Passionate today. I want to shout and roar, I want to swim in a big river or a stormy sea, I want to feel the power of waves crashing over me.
I want to be reckless, I want to run through long grass and roll down steep mossy hills. I want to play naked in deep sticky slippery mud.
I want to swim to the bottom of a deep ocean and play with the fish and experience the silence of the deeps or be moved by the haunting song of the whales.
I want to travel far away to the steppes of Mongolia and hear the Tuvan throat singers singing about horses and women.
I want to ride across the dessert on the back of a wild horse with only my water-bottle and the sun for company, I would ride on and on until I reached the oasis and then dive into clear water for the sheer joy of washing the journey from my parched skin.
I want to sit in a hot spring and jump into freezing snow for contrast, and then run until I can run no further, to feel the burn in my muscles and the sudden relief of  stillness.
I want to fast for days on end, to drink nothing but water and then when I am empty I will taste each tiny morsel of food as it truly is, a gift.
I want to walk barefoot through deep leafy woods and sleep under starry skies with nothing but a fire to keep me warm.
I want to sing the song so loud that my voice booms out across the hills......
I want to be wild again! Wild and Free.

What do I do with all that passion? What happens in my heart and body when I sit still and cradle my child while my bones vibrate within me yearning to go?
So this is today's mode and I have to work with it, work around it and work through it. A bodily wistfulness, romance in my bones a physical desire for radical movement. In the past I might have gotten frustrated with this feeling and my inability to go with it, it's like a desire at the very least to run full pelt down a steep hill....
But I know that my expression of frustration can lead into a boiling vat of inexpressible fury!

So I CHOOSE A DIFFERENT MODE! I choose Joy. I choose to feel joy and gratitude for all that is great in my life. Today I chose to sit still, breathe deeply and notice my surroundings. I chose to appreciate the things around me and remember where they came from and the stories behind them. I really enjoy the stories that objects can tell.....

In my hallway is a beautiful piece of embroidery, either my maternal grandmother or her mother made it but no one in our family remembers now, but it's mostly bright pink, purple and orange flowers in various different swathes. My grandmother was hungarian and the piece of embroidery would have been made to go at the head of the marriage bed. I love to think of my grandmother as a young woman, her hands stitching each flower lovingly while she thought of her betrothed. I loved my grandmother and she had very beautiful hands and a very kind and generous heart.

I have quite a few things which belonged to my grandparents, I have a small woven rug in my bedroom, it is very old and quite worn, and I love to think of all the feet which have walked on it, who were those people, what were they wearing, were they smiling and thinking of the beauty of the world?

I give thanks for the things in my life, for the objects and their stories, I know for sure that life is not about the things we acquire, but I also recognise the usefulness of stuff and the joy and delight that things can bring to me when I need help shifting my mode into a useful productive Good Feeling Mode.

I CHOOSE GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS and I choose to be creative even when I can't be creative with my hands I can be creative with my heart and mind.

Today I am Thankful for my wild and passionate heart
 I am Thankful for the memories held in objects from long ago
 I am Thankful for my grandmothers
 I am Thankful for the wild wind that blows through my wild heart
 I am Thankful for my strong legs for carrying me through the beauty of the world
 I am Thankful for my strong visual memories
 I am Thankful for singing ancient songs
 I am Thankful for my musical instruments which wait so patiently for me to play them
 I am Thankful for my creative mind
 I am Thankful for my blog for helping me daily to think good feeling thoughts

love Klara.

Saturday, 21 January 2012

My Mythological Panacea!

Good Morning

Today I feel to write about how I'm doing. How am I doing?
While I am alive in this human body, being me never stops, Klaraness is relentless..... Thinking is incessant, never-ending, perpetual, and eternal. Thinking is inescapable! I'm sure though that there are states of being where thinking can be slowed, or stopped all together and one can just get on with being, a human being!
But right now that is not where I'm at. I am however noticing a pattern; my modes seem to come in two day increments. What does this mean? It's expression is such that my access into CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS is via a different entrance approximately every two days, there does not seem to be any one particular way, there is no winning formula, no right answer, no Golden Button flashes on my forehead simply waiting to be pressed!

                            There is no PANACEA!

A panacea is a solution to solve all problems, a remedy to cure all diseases, alchemists sought the panacea  as a connection to the elixir of life and the philosophers stone; a symbol of enlightenment and heavenly bliss!

However, in ancient greek mythology Panacea was a goddess of healing, and what I didn't know until I looked it up is that she had five sisters and four brothers, and each one of them had a different gift of healing (cures, recuperation, disease prevention, recovery, natural beauty, diagnostics and surgery). This is interesting to me because it seems reflective of my discovery that I cannot rely on only one way of accessing good feeling thoughts. Ancient mythology to me is a metaphorical or allegorical source of information about the nature of being human, and how to navigate through the maze of life, similar mythologies are found amongst many different cultures, and this parallel suggests to me a universal understanding about the nature of life and divinity that the ancients had.
In the example of Panacea, different methods of healing are required for different maladies (from latin, male habitus - in poor condition).

Humans are not simple life forms, we are multi-cellular and our own personal thought patterns are made up from thousands of different experiences. It now makes perfect sense to me that there is no Panacea to Good Feeling Thoughts, my multi faceted mind is each day presenting different aspects for healing, and just as I would not expect an antiseptic to cure a headache, or a paracetamol to heal an infection, I must learn to find the relevant path to Good Feeling Thought each day; a different path for each mode, or malady.

From now on I am going to attempt to track what method I use each day to reach the state where I rest in Good Feeling Thoughts, Yes, it's true, I don't always wake up there - I actually need to make an effort to get there!!
For example, yesterday I was experimenting but I noticed that discussion of the principles of gratitude and why one should think good feeling thoughts deliberately, helped to align me, today that didn't work and I had to get physical - I needed a shower, a bath with essential oils and tea and to do some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - see Brad Yates on YouTube if you are curious) to reach a state of true Well Being.

I want to see if there is some kind of pattern and I want an arsenal (from the arabic dar sina ah - house of handiwork) of methods to use so I can find my way to the JOY inherent in thinking Good Feeling Thoughts.

Today I am Thankful for mythology
 I am Thankful for truly inspiring stories
 I am Thankful for hot water
 I am Thankful for the power of aromas
 I am Thankful for the kark of the raven and the shiny blackness of his feathers
 I am Thankful for the beauty which comes through opening up to being openhearted 
 I am Thankful for the magical properties of vinegar
 I am Thankful for shield bugs
 I am Thankful for my ability to keep trying
 I am Thankful for red berries shining in winter hedgerows

love Klara.

Friday, 20 January 2012

It's all in Your Focus!


Today I want to concentrate again upon where my focus rests!

Today is a grey day it is windy and the sky is dark, our new fence in the front garden has blown down....

Today the dark clouds are edged with gold and orange light, the wintery haze in the distance is framing the hills like a romantic old painting. It's a day to wrap up warm and stride through the fields and feel the earth and the astonishing power of nature......

I have had a hard time all day keeping my focus on thoughts which feel good and I have consistently noticed that once a good feeling train of thought has begun on its merry way, taking in all the beauty and reproducing in its own likeness it gathers speed and momentum and I begin to feel marvelous, excited, inspired, hopeful, romantic and delightful and much more. When an unpleasant feeling train of thought sets off from platform nine Klara Station, it also gathers speed and momentum, the thoughts also replicate themselves only the path is downwards, it is speedy and compelling, consuming and addictive.......

I experimented with this today, as if it were a game, I wanted to see if I could choose my mood? What is mood anyway? perhaps it should be called mode instead and treated much the same as a musical mode. Western music is written in modes, the two most obvious and well known being major and minor (most chart music I have experienced is in one or the other). Musical modes are often used by composers to convey feelings.....

I have often felt subject to mood, or even at the mercy of my own moods, but am I really? If mood is really a mode then surely it is possible to choose how one would like to feel? I am not at the mercy of my feelings, I have now had enough practice at choosing my thoughts to know that my feelings follow and echo my thoughts; thoughts of things I enjoy, like or love have feelings which accompany them which feel pleasant and conversely thoughts of things I dislike have accompanying feelings which feel unpleasant.

So today in my experimental world, nothing physically changed in my environment, my earth-plane remained the same all day, my relationships to the other people in my family were consistently consistent, my house remained in the same state of tidiness, my fence did not leap up and reconstruct itself, washing did not sort itself and food still had to be cooked.

What on earth am I getting at?


My feelings were all internal, influenced only by me, by my chosen mode, my happiness came from within, my sadness came from within, I TRIED IT ALL OUT TO SEE HOW IT FELT.
I generated differently feeling thoughts about the same things, for example the first two paragraphs are exactly that, in the first I focused on bad feeling thoughts about the weather and landscape, and in the second paragraph I focused on good feeling thoughts whilst observing exactly the same scene. Right now the sky is a wonderfully brooding shade of dark pink and I choose to associate it with good feeling thoughts!

I have had enough of my experiment! I'm going to spend the rest of the day with good feeling thoughts! Doing this experiment helped me to feel powerful, it helped me to concrete in my mind that its my CHOICE how I view my life, and really the only thing I can truely control in my life is THE WAY I FEEL.

I'm going to feel great today!

Today I am thankful for the wind
I am thankful for my heart which pumps my blood without me even needing to think about it
I am thankful for my brothers and sisters
I am thankful for the wisdom of children
I am thankful for the ever changing stunning picture which is the sky
I am thankful for my mothers wisdom
I am thankful for the myriad of shades of eye colour
I am thankful for all of my toes
I am thankful for my creativity
I am thankful for short grain brown rice!

love Klara.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

A Rampage of Appreciation for You.


Today is my three week blog writing birthday! I have so much to celebrate!

Last night I went to see the Chinese State Circus with my family, WOW! Human beings are so amazing! The precision with which the performers moved was both incredible and beautiful, and I feel enormously thankful to them for sharing their dedication and grace with me. The show was divided into sections with different themes, half way through watching a section where the performers were juggling panama type hats, I imagined spending my day thinking up interesting and impressive things to do with hats! What a fun thing to be doing with your human experience.

My world, the way it is right now, is not exactly as I would CHOOSE it to be (although I'm sure there are those who would argue otherwise!) My heart and soul yearns to live in a more natural and physical way. However right now in my current reality my world is as it is, and like it or not, I do gain greatly from the work of others, even when I choose to think better feeling thoughts!

There are so many fun and pleasurable things to do with our lives. Today I want to offer a prayer of thanks for all those people who work at things which benefit me in some way, jobs that I don't want to do, work which I can't do, things that I have no training in, and especially to those beings who do the work which I don't want to even know about!

This is a Rampage of Appreciation!!...

I give thanks for the people who I will never meet who work long hours for low pay in factories on the other side of the world making clothing which I enjoy wearing, Thank you I send you my love. I give thanks for the wonderful people who grow delicious food on the other side of the world, for the mango growers, I love mangos thank you mango growers you make my life more juicy and delicious. I am so thankful for all the farmers all over the world who work hard and produce the amazing variety which I am fortunate enough to experience WHENEVER I feel to. Wow! I am so fortunate THANK YOU.

I GIVE THANKS for the people who quarry stone to fix the roads which I can then drive safely on, thank you, I am so thankful for the people who spend their days mending the roads too, thank you for your expertise, thank you for making the roads which I use safe.  

I give thanks for the people who clean public toilets all over the world, thank you. I give thanks for the people who work in the sewers, I am so grateful to you. I give thanks to plumbers who have piped water so when I turn on my tap clean water flows! I love turning on my tap and drinking the clean water which magically comes out, how amazing! Thank you for the people who invented my power shower, I love my power shower!

I give thanks for the people who care, for the people who spend their days and nights caring for those who need help, I love those people, thank you thank you to the people who save lives, and make lives more comfortable, thank you you amazing people who I don't know and have never met. Thank you to those I have met too, who have made their lives a work to help me and others to live more fully. I love the carers. 

Thank you to the rescuers, thank you to the people who risk their lives daily to save other people who they don't even know! I give thanks for you. You make the world so beautiful. Thank you to everyone who has gone before who gave their lives for others, you blow me away, thank you.

I give thanks for people who devote their lives to protecting, preserving and encouraging wild life. Thank you for the people who care for our land, thank you to the people who spend their lives researching so that we can reduce and minimise our impact on natural habitats. I love our wild places and I love the people who protect them and enhance them, thank you.

I give thanks to the number crunchers, to the people who understand how this incredible internet thing actually works and keep it going so that I can have access to people and places all over the world in my own house! Thank you. Thank you to the people who labour making all the parts of computers, thank you for my computer. 

I give thanks to people who work on the rubbish that we generate every day, thank you to the people who work to find solutions to our debris, thank you to the people who sort through our detritus daily. I give Great Thanks for the Earth and for Great Spirit which inspires people with wonderful solutions. 

There are so many services which people perform for one another and the earth, far too many for me to individually give thanks for or even to know about, so I end my Rampage with one huge thank you for all the things which individual humans do which benefit me. 

                           Thank you.                                                           
                          I Love You.

love Klara.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Thanks to a Little Help From My Friends.


Wow today is my twentieth blog! It seems amazing to me that I have managed to write a blog every day for twenty whole days. I am half way through my ninth week of CHOOSING GREAT FEELING THOUGHTS. In truth I am completely astonished to have managed to go eight and a half weeks through such a gloomy looking winter with a grand total of only three bouts of misery - the first lasted about twenty minutes, the second about an hour and the last around thirty minutes - and yes I have been counting because it's important to me. I like to see results and progress, and I like to chart it so I can look back and have evidence, just incase my mischievous mind tries to tell me otherwise!

One of the things my mind used to get up to was subtle trickery. The bouts I described in the above paragraph were different to the days I wrote about here in my blog (When the Rampage is Savage, and Is Your Glass Half Full?), I would describe them as a very familiar feeling, which thankfully now is becoming less and less familiar, a feeling of gloom, and always my mind would say "It is always like this, I always feel this way, no matter how hard I try this always comes back" and those thoughts would be enough for me to surrender to it and find myself sinking further and further into the deep of despair.

So when that feeling arose in me on those three occasions, and it seemed to come from nowhere, I was so distressed at the onset of the feelings that it actually fed the voice of doom. On the two shorter occasions I asked for help from my partner, (he is fully supporting me on this journey, we even have a code word which he uses to help me recognise and arrest those thoughts before they can get a grip on me) and he was able to help me redirect my mind before things got out of hand.
 On the third occasion I was alone, and although I eventually rang my partner for help he was unable to find the right words. I had to work quickly to stop the descent. I sat still and breathed deeply and when I opened my eyes I saw my phone and it came to me; send out a group text asking for ten things that make people feel wonderful!

So that is exactly what I did. The effect was even better than I could have imagined. Replies came in at a constant trickle over the next few hours, and what people said filled up my heart to the brim with joy! Many people responded with requests for my ten things too and several people even thanked me for asking them, it seems my texts came at a poignant moment for them too! For each thing that people listed that resonated with me I paused to imagine it fully and how it might feel, by the evening thanks to that inspiration and all my wonderful friends I was flying high back on my path CHOOSING GREAT FEELING THOUGHTS.

So today, in honour of all those people who came to my aid with their great feeling thoughts I share with you some of their beautiful replies:

I am Thankful for frozen spider webs
I am Thankful for slanting sunshine especially through water
I am Thankful for stormy walks in the woods
I am Thankful to watch children learn
I am Thankful for being able to watch birds feed outside my window
I am Thankful for discovering new music that delights me
I am Thankful for the look and smell of new tubes of paint and clean white paper
I am Thankful when my hair looks how I want it to
I am Thankful for when the music makes sadness feel beautiful
I am Thankful when I have high self acceptance
I am Thankful for hot air balloons
I am Thankful when I write a really good song
I am Thankful for swimming in the river
I am Thankful for when I suddenly get the joke
I am Thankful for feeling playful
I am Thankful for a crackling fire
I am Thankful for when I burst into the dance
I am Thankful for sunshine on my face
I am Thankful for kisses on my shoulder blades
I am Thankful for when I find a tea shop open in a little country town when I thought they would all be closed.

There really are soooooo many things to feel wonderful about and be thankful for. Thank you all, my friends
love Klara.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

It's all Me!


I have had a glorious day today! I went for a walk and decided to address some of the things which have been bothering me. These things which have been troubling me could be described as relationship dynamics or patterns, either way they are situations, events and interactions which occur between me and the other members of my family. I noticed that certain unpleasant events and interactions occur repeatedly, and my tendency in the past has been to attribute these occurrences to the other people involved, laying blame and thus making myself the victim. A Victim of Circumstances!
Being a victim is not attractive to me, it's such a disempowered position to hold in life. So, what could I do instead?

A couple of days ago I happened to read a chapter of my sisters new book, "The Relationship Revelation" by Pollyanna Darling (www.imaginariabooks.com), the chapter I read was called "It's All You." My sister is a follower and practitioner of The Magician's Way philosophy, it has brought her great joy and success and lead her to writing her fantastic book. So I am reading it partly because she is my sister and partly because she is an inspiration to me and many others. Ah yes so the "It's All You" chapter, it reminded me of something Pollyanna and I have talked about a great deal - you get what you expect to get!

What I mean by this is that in my experience (oh no, more history?) beliefs that I hold about the world and other people affect what happens in my reality. At first I found this a ridiculous idea and I certainly didn't want to agree with it, but after a while of experimenting with it I had to admit that it did appear to be true! I have no idea how it really works, but it goes something like this (and it can seem something of a chicken and egg scenario):
- My boss is always angry and disappointed at me, no matter how hard I try it makes no difference.

The obvious thing to do would be to focus on what I think I'm doing wrong and try to rectify it, or to address my boss directly to find out what they think of the situation. However all of this may actually be unnecessary if the answer lies with me - if I am the creator (not the victim). Just suppose the situation was actually caused by a belief I held, for example - I am unsuccessful, or other people don't like me - I would always be approaching the situation from that orientation, and lo and behold it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. The other person fills the role I expect them to.
Think of what you would love to happen (I hear Pollyanna saying) and focus on that instead. That way when you arrive in the interaction that has been troubling you, you will be actively holding what you would love in your mind - I would love success, I love getting on well with other people.

The only way to find out that this works is to try it, and perhaps it's more complicated than I have described it here, but I have tried it many times with great success. I don't know why it works but it does.

So today on my beautiful walk I spent time alone thinking about the things in my family life that had been troubling me, and I searched my mind for the limiting beliefs which might be influencing how those situations played out, and then I focused on what I would love. The next thing I did was to spend some time giving thanks for my family, I focused on everything I love about them and held that in my mind for some time.

At home this evening we had a lovely time, I kept my focus on what I would love our interactions to be like, and I kept CHOOSING THOUGHTS WHICH SUPPORTED WHAT I WOULD LOVE. There were a few cross words here and there but mostly I really enjoyed my evening, I was surrounded by loving smiling faces and now I feel euphoric and joyful. I 'm so glad I started reading my sisters book, I didn't realise it would support my journey so well, but it has! Yippeeee.

Today I am Thankful for my sisters and brothers
I am Thankful for the reminder that I am responsible for my reality
I am Thankful for scots pine trees
I am Thankful for my creative power
I am Thankful for owls
I am Thankful for choice
I am Thankful for kisses
I am Thankful for change
I am Thankful for hugs
I am Thankful for LOVE.

Love Klara.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Yakety Yak don't talk back!


All this talking about thinking has led me to start thinking about talking. I love talking, I love sharing information and ideas with other people. I particularly enjoy people who can talk for hours about subjects which I know nothing at all about. It has always amazed me how some people can get fixed on one or two interests and seem to go about acquiring information on them until they know pretty much everything there is to know on their specialist subject, I think these people often get called boffins or specialists, I admire these people immensely and I wonder what their thought processes are like. For example do they get overly concerned with image? are they self critical? do they care what I think? Perhaps if you are one of them and you find yourself reading this you could let me know? I would particularly like to know if specialists find themselves talking negative nonsense?

I really enjoy interacting with other people, but sometimes I find it very hard, and there are two main reasons for this:
Number 1: if somebody wants to talk about something which feels negative. You see I get stuck; I don't want to collude, I don't enjoy colluding and I don't think its helpful, I also think collusion can reinforce negative thinking. In addition to this I am rather good at empathising, TOO good in fact, I can end up taking it on, or I just go through the situation with the other person and can leave feeling upset as if I have soaked their feelings up like a sponge.
Number 2: if they ask me leading questions, like "how are you?" this seems like quite a normal innocent question at first glance, it probably gets said about a million times a day, but to me it is a wolf in sheep's clothing! How am I? I take it it's a question requiring a literal answer? At times it's almost like a cue for negativity.

What on earth am I talking about? The thing is occasionally I love a good moan!! yes I have said it! There is something in my makeup that has been addicted to talking about certain kind of things, things which seem to hold a lot of energy, and those things are invariably negative, I am going to write a couple of examples just to illustrate the point (honestly not so I can moan!) Usually they are things which get a big response of interest from the person to whom I am talking. It's obvious now I see it in black and white; its just an easy way of getting energy, easy because a lot of people are more than happy to partake - the energy must move both ways. So here goes:

"I'm so broke at the moment..."
"My car broke down yesterday...."
"So and so wronged me...."

Anyway I had to make them up otherwise I might have been moaning!! But you get the idea? If I'm going to be successful in changing the way I think to CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS, I believe it is paramount to also change the way I talk, and CHOOSE JOYFUL FEELING CONVERSATIONS.
Imagine how it would feel if everyone you met up with in the street, or chose to hang out with only talked about all the great things they were experiencing, and although it's true, we all experience genuine distress at times, and sharing it is very valid with the right people for the right reasons but I'm not talking about that. I mean habitual doom mongering, sensationalising dramas and just plain wingeing. I think it is habitual and although I have broken the habit, I do sometimes catch myself unawares CHOOSING TO TALK ABOUT THE WRONG THINGS for no good reason!!

If I'm to continue socialising and I love being with friends, then both vigilance and imagination are required .......

So let me tell you about my day.......
It was a beautiful blue sky his morning when I opened my curtains, the birds were singing and I could see the hills clearly in the distance. I had a comfortable morning cuddling my baby and when we searched online we easily found a remedy to soothe baby's earache. I finished all my paperwork and it flowed beautifully and took less time than I expected, so I was able to take my time getting ready to collect my other daughter from school. In town everyone was jolly and we saw lots of people who fill my heart with gladness for knowing them. We bought our weeks shopping, were reminded of a show we had forgotten we were planning to see, and we came home in time for a delicious dinner. Tonight I'm going to watch a movie I haven't seen for fifteen years called 'All of Me' its funny and heartwarming and I feel very excited to get to see it again.

I am So Thankful for the ability to see the beauty in the world when I look for it
I am Thankful for the spirit that moves people to clown around
I am Thankful for delicious food
I am Thankful for surprises
I am Thankful for my healing
I am Thankful for smiling faces
I am Thankful for your happy stories
I am Thankful for my cup of tea
I am Thankful for meringue
I am Thankful for my daughters willfulness!

love Klara.

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Wassailing and Extreme Shepherding!


Yesterday I went out in the evening to a Wassail ( an ancient fertility tradition from Southern England which involves singing and drinking mulled cider to awake the cider apple trees and scare away evil spirits, therefore ensuring a good harvest in autumn) we dressed up warm and stood out in a little orchard, which may have been someone's back garden, and by the fire and the light of the moon we sang to the trees. I had a lovely time. It interests me that I didn't know I was going wassailing when I wrote my rampage of appreciation to the trees, it seems like a response from the universe for me to be invited to celebrate the trees shortly after.

But, what really interested me about last night, is how I felt and how in the moment I was. We made a last minute decision to go, we had been invited to a Narnia party last night too, which sounded lovely and I'm sure it was, but it was quite far away and we are still staying close to home to meet our baby's needs. When we arrived there was lots of people I have never met before, and in fact the whole thing was completely unfamiliar to me. However I had a really lovely time, and why shouldn't I?

In the past (clearly history has some relevant uses!) I have found it very hard to socialise at times, there have been danger areas for me, particularly large groups of people, and even more so when I don't know anyone. The only way I can describe what I used to experience is that I would bully myself. Faced with large groups of people familiar or not, my mind would start up telling me a number of things about how I wouldn't fit in, and why I shouldn't even try!
For example: I'm not interesting, I'm wearing the wrong clothes, I'm too old/young, I'm not pretty, I'm the wrong shape, I have a weird voice, my hairstyle is odd, I'm a fool.
Just writing about it feels horrible, it amazes me that I even managed to go out with all that going on in my head! I don't know what purpose the bully in my head served, probably some sort of ego thing trying to keep me safe, but until recently I allowed me to say really horrible things to myself. Things I would certainly not say to anyone else, or put up with them saying to me! I managed to destroy my own self confidence on many occasions, and frequently found myself going home early just to alleviate the tension I was experiencing.

It feels so wonderful that I went out last night and realised this morning that I did not have one single bad feeling thought the whole evening, admittedly I wasn't out for long, just a couple of hours, but for the whole time I was out I remained in the moment. I was in the orchard,  I was singing the song and saying the wassail chant,  I looked into the fire, and  I enjoyed watching and listening to the other people having a good time.
I didn't need to go inwards, to approve of myself, or to question whether the other people approved of me, because I already approve of myself. I LOVE MYSELF. I really am happy with who I am, and I believe it has a great deal to do with the massive increase in the amount of time I spend choosing better and better feeling thoughts.

CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS can be hard at times, I have many old thought habits to contend with, like the bullying, but the progress I am making is showing me the way, like a beam of sunlight, I know that I am winning.

I have known for many years that all I really want out of life is to feel good, to be content with my life exactly the way it is right now. I wish for more people to know about the power of CHOOSING THOUGHTS. It's a bit like being a shepherd to a flock of really unruly sheep, at first they are all over the mountainside and with only one dog (I wrote god then by accident!) who doesn't really know all the whistles yet, it takes time to get them all into one place, but after a while the dog learns to respond to my whistles and the sheep are all gathered together safely, and if they were thoughts not sheep they would be working for the common good.

So I'm going to do my best, I'm going to keep CHOOSING GREAT FEELING THOUGHTS,  every day, every hour, every minute. I am starting to really enjoy my life, I am starting to really LOVE MYSELF,  and I am starting to realise which parts of me really need attention and what really matters. I'm not getting upset anymore about whether other people like me or whether I live in the right place, I am finding deeper and deeper levels of joy every day through actively looking for things to feel thankful for and by actively choosing better feeling thoughts.

Today I am thankful for small pleasures
I am thankful for being able to gather ripe hazelnuts near my house
I am thankful for hearing my daughter sing in the shower
I am thankful for my pillow
I am thankful for bamboo socks
I am thankful for olives
I am thankful for ladybirds
I am thankful for eyelashes
I am thankful for ants walking in a line across kitchen counters
I am thankful for pencils

love Klara.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Seven Important Questions!


I woke up today feeling happy, I dreamed a few different dreams last night and almost all had as a theme CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS. I found this very exciting, because to me to dream about something means it must have made its way into my subconscious! This feels like a real achievement.

In the past I have made various resolutions to change my way of being, but there have often been occasions when the resolution has been put aside or simply forgotten. I have been thinking about thoughts (yes really!). I have been thinking about simple ways of noticing my own thoughts and whether I should be thinking them. A couple of nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and heard these words:

 "There are Seven Important Questions to be asked whenever you entertain a thought."

This seemed inspired, and very interesting to me and in that moment I made a quick decision; I decided to go back to sleep! Why did I choose that? The last time I had a Really Good Idea it was in the middle of the night, and it was such a great idea that I couldn't let it lie, I lay awake for several hours thinking about my idea and all the wonderful intricacies to the nth degree! In short I missed a lot of sleep because I allowed my mind free rein, and it accordingly rampaged around until I was exhausted and the effort required to quieten it down was quite substantial. It's not just bad feeling thoughts that can get out of control for me!! Thankfully I was still so excited about my idea the next day that I managed the resulting tiredness with a smile.

I was happy with my choice to go straight back to sleep, and became even more so when I sat down to write today; the Seven Important Questions (SIQ - LOL!) arrived in my mind like a V-formation of swans. So here they are:

1. Is the thought about me or someone else?
If the thoughts is directly referring to a being, myself or someone else i.e. it's personal, then go to question 6. however, if its non-personal and its about me go to question 2.
2. Is the thought historical?
In other words am I looking backwards to past events or conversations, I can't change the past there is nothing to be gained here, so I can think about something else, or I if I'm still unsure I can go to question 7. If the answer is no try question 3.
3. Is the thought about a problem?
If the answer is yes...
4. Does the problem have a solution?
If the answer is yes, I can stop thinking about it now, if the answer is no I can ask myself the next question...
5. Is this an appropriate time to think about a problem?
I used to get drawn away from the present an awful lot, and my children would say "mum you've got that weird look on your face again", and they usually had to say it several times to bring me back to the present. Also if there is no solution to this problem then thinking about it is really daft! and will probably stress me out, so I can think about something nice instead.
6. Is this thought about me or someone else, something I would comfortably say to my best friend who I love very much and would never want to hurt?
If my thought is critical, unkind, rude, mean, spiteful, jokey in a derogatory way, an assumption, or just plain nosey (and I'm sure there are far too many wrong ways of thinking of myself or others to list here) then I should definitely think about something else and if I'm still not sure I can go to question 7.
7. How does the thought make me feel????
I could probably dispense with all the other questions really and just ask this one, because if the thought doesn't feel good or better than good; if it doesn't feel great then I'm clearly choosing the wrong thoughts!!!

Perhaps I'm being silly, I have overthunk the whole thing with my SEVEN IMPORTANT QUESTIONS and my SIQ acronym, but really that's just one of those tricksy thoughts I have generated to bamboozle me! It's staying on top of the thoughts that counts, CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS as often as possible, and being ALERT. Be ready for your thoughts, cut them off at the pass, drop an avalanche of great feeling thoughts on them, or as my friend told me nearly eight weeks ago "you must be watchful, ready to pounce, like a tiger". This is self-mastery, it takes work and dedication.

Today, I am Thankful for my bow and arrows
I am Thankful for how incredibly beautiful the stars in their multitudes are on a cold clear night
I am Thankful for my baby's first sign for milk
I am Thankful for little fluffy clouds in the cold blue sky
I am Thankful for my dinner
I am Thankful for my progress
I am Thankful for my small successes
I am Thankful for big lego
I am Thankful for rainbows
I am Thankful for the insights and inspirations which come at night when the world is sleeping.

love Klara.