Sunday, 22 January 2012

Passionate and Stormy like the Wind.


I feel Wild and Passionate today. I want to shout and roar, I want to swim in a big river or a stormy sea, I want to feel the power of waves crashing over me.
I want to be reckless, I want to run through long grass and roll down steep mossy hills. I want to play naked in deep sticky slippery mud.
I want to swim to the bottom of a deep ocean and play with the fish and experience the silence of the deeps or be moved by the haunting song of the whales.
I want to travel far away to the steppes of Mongolia and hear the Tuvan throat singers singing about horses and women.
I want to ride across the dessert on the back of a wild horse with only my water-bottle and the sun for company, I would ride on and on until I reached the oasis and then dive into clear water for the sheer joy of washing the journey from my parched skin.
I want to sit in a hot spring and jump into freezing snow for contrast, and then run until I can run no further, to feel the burn in my muscles and the sudden relief of  stillness.
I want to fast for days on end, to drink nothing but water and then when I am empty I will taste each tiny morsel of food as it truly is, a gift.
I want to walk barefoot through deep leafy woods and sleep under starry skies with nothing but a fire to keep me warm.
I want to sing the song so loud that my voice booms out across the hills......
I want to be wild again! Wild and Free.

What do I do with all that passion? What happens in my heart and body when I sit still and cradle my child while my bones vibrate within me yearning to go?
So this is today's mode and I have to work with it, work around it and work through it. A bodily wistfulness, romance in my bones a physical desire for radical movement. In the past I might have gotten frustrated with this feeling and my inability to go with it, it's like a desire at the very least to run full pelt down a steep hill....
But I know that my expression of frustration can lead into a boiling vat of inexpressible fury!

So I CHOOSE A DIFFERENT MODE! I choose Joy. I choose to feel joy and gratitude for all that is great in my life. Today I chose to sit still, breathe deeply and notice my surroundings. I chose to appreciate the things around me and remember where they came from and the stories behind them. I really enjoy the stories that objects can tell.....

In my hallway is a beautiful piece of embroidery, either my maternal grandmother or her mother made it but no one in our family remembers now, but it's mostly bright pink, purple and orange flowers in various different swathes. My grandmother was hungarian and the piece of embroidery would have been made to go at the head of the marriage bed. I love to think of my grandmother as a young woman, her hands stitching each flower lovingly while she thought of her betrothed. I loved my grandmother and she had very beautiful hands and a very kind and generous heart.

I have quite a few things which belonged to my grandparents, I have a small woven rug in my bedroom, it is very old and quite worn, and I love to think of all the feet which have walked on it, who were those people, what were they wearing, were they smiling and thinking of the beauty of the world?

I give thanks for the things in my life, for the objects and their stories, I know for sure that life is not about the things we acquire, but I also recognise the usefulness of stuff and the joy and delight that things can bring to me when I need help shifting my mode into a useful productive Good Feeling Mode.

I CHOOSE GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS and I choose to be creative even when I can't be creative with my hands I can be creative with my heart and mind.

Today I am Thankful for my wild and passionate heart
 I am Thankful for the memories held in objects from long ago
 I am Thankful for my grandmothers
 I am Thankful for the wild wind that blows through my wild heart
 I am Thankful for my strong legs for carrying me through the beauty of the world
 I am Thankful for my strong visual memories
 I am Thankful for singing ancient songs
 I am Thankful for my musical instruments which wait so patiently for me to play them
 I am Thankful for my creative mind
 I am Thankful for my blog for helping me daily to think good feeling thoughts

love Klara.

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