I had a brilliant day today.
I woke up from a night of strangely poignant dreams - people were encouraging me to play music at a folk night but I didn't want to join in, I felt irritated at the apparent success of some younger people who had not been playing for so long - upon waking I had some rather familiar old thoughts, something along the lines of
"I'll never be a successful musician, I'm not very good anyway, music is stupid......."
I was quite surprised by these thoughts, although when I first wake up I am sometimes quite groggy and unreasonable, but once I was up and dressed I put my mind to thinking better feeling thoughts. At some point I remembered a section of "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron in which she talks about jealousy and rivalry, from what I remember she suggests that those thoughts and feelings can be used in a positive way, they are in fact very useful: they indicate action which one needs to take in order to fulfil ones deepest desires.
Because envy feels unpleasant it can be easy to get caught up in the negativity of it and spiral downwards (for example I have often felt guilt for being envious), but if one views jealousy as an indicator of desire it can be a tool for the good; in the case of my dream, I would love musical success (what ever that is!).
This lead me to some more thinking about thoughts and specifically how unpleasant feeling thoughts could be used to ones advantage. I have been having quite a troublesome time lately motivating myself to Think Good Feeling Thoughts, I had become bogged down by those convincing thoughts, you know the ones which very persuasively insist that you ought to be thinking them, the tricky sticky ones.......(my post from the 1st of january -Seeing the Woods amongst the Trees addresses this topic).
Have you ever had one of those conversations where the participants neglect to comment on what each other says and just use each others thoughts like a catalyst for their own thoughts? My partner calls it Spring-boarding, for me this always conjures up an image of high diving!
So I decided to use my thoughts, negative or positive, as a Spring-board for Great Feeling Thoughts, for each thought which came into my mind I asked myself the question: "where can I take this thought so that I feel better?" I called it the Spring board game.
For example for thoughts about money I turned
"we don't have enough" into: "we always manage to have enough to eat, we eat delicious food, we are so fortunate, we have mangos......"
"I have no time to do anything" I Spring-boarded to: "yesterday I had a bath, I wrote my blog, I danced, I laughed, I gave thanks........"
"I'm so tired" I used to think: "but later I can snuggle in bed, everything passes, everything is a phase, like the phases of the moon...."
"You are so annoying" I sprung into: "You are beautiful, you are kind, you are generous, you are very funny......."
And yes I know it's simplistic, thoughts are more complicated and persistent than that...... or are they?, it's just a game. I am here in this body for a physical experience, and it's a wonderful body and a wonderful life, and I am having a physical experience. One of the things I have always loved is playing games, and as an adult I have done less and less of it, I remember at school sports used to be called games; some people grow up and devote their lives to sports, or games.
Life can be a game, it's supposed to be fun, we are supposed to enjoy it, we have a right to enjoy our lives. It's so easy to take everything so seriously, I know I have done in the past and I honestly don't think my seriousness has changed the outcome or served me in any way, all the seriousness has done is make me feel bogged down, tired, overwhelmed and miserable.
I think part of my life is about looking for the beauty, looking for the fun and finding ways to easily think good feeling thoughts.
I feel playful. It's the end of January, I am going to make it through winter IN A GOOD MOOD!!!!! I am going to do my upmost to enjoy my life, I am going out to play in the rain, in the snow and in the sun. I am going to enjoy my physical nature.......
Today I am thankful for Peter Pan
I am thankful for dew drops on flowers
I am thankful for hide and seek
I am thankful for hop scotch
I am thankful for skipping
I am thankful for leg warmers
I am thankful for ear muffs
I am thankful for my trampoline
I am thankful for hoola hooping
I am thankful for people who devote their live to play