Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Happiness is a Choice


A couple of days ago I read an article a friend had posted on my old friend Facebook, it was the top five regrets of the dying, and at number five was "I wish I had let myself be happier". The article stated that many people did not realise that happiness was a choice until they were dying. Over the last few days since I read this article I have been pondering the words:     
                                               "Happiness is a choice".  

This evening as I lay in bed while my baby fell asleep, I thought about the last few days, and how I have been feeling overall; I have been feeling a bit rubbish to say the least. I have wanted very much to stop writing my blog and spend my evening zonking out in front of mind numbing movies, I have felt like a failure, a fake and like I have lost my umph again, the only time I had really been happy was whilst writing my posts (which makes it even more ironic that I wanted to stop writing them) and while playing with my baby. 
Indeed I had wanted to throw in the towel and admit that I am simply a depressive..... 

But the words "happiness is a choice" kept coming back to my mind, and so this evening as I lay in bed I said to no one in particular "fine then" and I smiled, a big ear to ear smile, and I smiled that smile for at least half an hour until it was time to sit up and write this post and I am smiling now as I write it too. 

Happiness is a choice, I have no special reason for smiling and I have no reason not to smile. Smiling feels good. 
Once I was smiling I started to imagine all the things I would like to get up to this summer, and I started to imagine them all going better than I could imagine. I imagined each scenario as fun, exciting and running smoothly. I imagined my children happy with every situation, being thankful for holidays, food and all the effort I make for them to have a good time. 
This imagining felt good, it made my smile bigger and bigger, I thought of the implications of everything actually going well: my life will be fun, it will be exciting, I will be experiencing levels of happiness I could only have dreamed of........

Being happy all the time is unfamiliar to me, it does not feel entirely comfortable to me, I am not sure how it works yet. I have all my old patterns to rewrite, like others (I am sure) I have my little ways of getting energy from other people around me, and ever since I recognised that, I have tried to stop doing it, however if I choose happiness those behaviours will simply stop by themselves. What will I do then???

Yes indeed some (bizzarre) part of me is afraid to let go of my patterns and simply choose happiness. I am safe in misery land. What will actually happen if I am happy all the time?
What will it be like to simply be a happy person? What is it really like to be happy with my life exactly the way it is now?

Well I am about to find out! Happiness is a choice, but in my case (and I suspect in many other people's) it is also an effort of Will. It took will for me to smile this evening, it takes will for me to start listing and feeling the things for which I am grateful, it takes will to change, will to let go and will to choose good feeling thoughts. I think it also takes a certain amount of will to stay miserable too.....

I am reminded of a section of a book I once read by Osho, in which he said something along the lines of  " can you imagine a time when you will accept yourself exactly the way you are?" and of course my answer was "yes", and he went on to say (roughly) "what are you waiting for? you may as well accept yourself exactly the way you are RIGHT NOW!". 
That did it for me, I understood, I got it and started to accept myself straight away!

I think happiness is the same, if it is possible to envisage a time when one will be happy then it may as well be right now. Now is always the time. We are never in the future, we are always now. Now is the time to be happy, now is the time to feel self acceptance. Now is the time to smile. I might be dead tomorrow. What a waste my life would be if I was miserable for the last night , hour or minute of my life. 

       Choose Happiness Now. Smile Now. Go on.....

Today I have loving gratitude for inspirational articles other people share with the world
I have loving gratitude for the way my smile makes me feel
I have loving gratitude that smiles can convey love to other people
I have loving gratitude that smiles are free and benefit everyone
I have loving gratitude for my children's smiles
I have loving gratitude for apple crumble
I have loving gratitude for the birds new spring songs
I have loving gratitude for mice
I have loving gratitude for bumble bees
I have loving gratitude for my ability to choose happiness

love Klara. 

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Surrender and go with the Flow


I have been alone for almost the whole day today, well not really alone, I have had my baby for company, she is all smiles and laughs. I love the way she looks at the world; everything is new to her.
My baby spends her day examining all the things she encounters in the most minute detail, everything she picks up goes in her mouth first, she usually tries shaking things to see if they make a sound, and some things she puts on her head to see if they are a hat! 
She works hard all day long crawling around and pulling herself up to standing tirelessly, exploring the house and everything in it that she can reach. 
Today I spent most of my day watching her, I had hoped to get some time to read or write, however today she decided not to sleep, so I surrendered and got on with being mummy. 

One of the most valuable things I have learnt about being a mum, is that it is far easier and infinitely more pleasurable, when I constantly remember to surrender my desires to achieve something and to simply go with the flow of the day. Some people might consider not getting anything done to be a failure, or lazy, but I know from experience firstly that babyhood is so short, if I blink I am likely to miss it entirely, and secondly that if I fight against the flow I end up stressed and miserable. 

I choose to view the privilege of being a full time mother as an opportunity to practise being in the moment, I choose to enjoy each moment I spend watching my baby chewing my glasses or playing peekaboo with me, and to relish it, savour it and to be at peace with getting nothing done. An opportunity to be a human being, rather than a human doing

Something I have learned from my baby is to renew the way I see the world around me, it is so easy to take surroundings for granted, to move around without really looking at anything. I want to notice the beauty of everything! I want to stop and notice my hands, my finger nails constantly growing. I want to feel the coldness of the panes of glass in my kitchen windows, did you know that glass it actually a liquid? I want to marvel at the fabric from which my sofa is made, or the thousands of hand woven strands that make up my persian rug. 

It seems it is all to easy to forget to notice creation, taking for granted the objects around us, for example I am so used to my car that I forget it is a steel box on wheels powered by fossilised trees which grew millions of years ago!!! 

Some people think creation is some sort of astronomical coincidence! They believe that we are here because of some accidental explosion caused by gas clouds! I wonder if they have ever actually looked at their fingerprints or watched a hummingbird hawkmoth drinking nectar from a flower?

Babies are amazed at the world because it is amazing! It takes years before humans are used to their bodies and the things around them. I want to take the time to notice the world and everything in it. I would like to cultivate in my self the enthusiasm of a baby, the joie de vivre that new beings hold, and I think it may be as simple as being present, appreciating our surroundings, noticing what we do have (rather than focusing on what we don't) and remembering that anything is possible. 

Today I am thankful for the lessons I learn from my children
I am thankful for the micro organisms like foramnifera which invisibly to the naked eye inhabit our oceans
I am thankful for the astonishing way that our bodies mend when we have damaged them
I am thankful for the refreshing power of sleep
I am thankful for my nightly mind movies
I am thankful for how happy Dan's new hat has made him
I am thankful for my daughters artistic flair
I am thankful for every day I get to watch my children grow
I am thankful for everyday that I grow
I am thankful for double cream

love Klara. 

Monday, 27 February 2012

Freedom is in Letting Go......


Today is day sixty-one and I have been lying in bed trying to work our what it do when the dominant thoughts seem to want to stay miserable.....

It is almost as if I wilfully want to stay annoyed. Something annoying happened and now I feel as if I want to stay annoyed, it is not an open desire it is more like a refusal to let go. It is a funny feeling, it seems to me it is akin to the refusal to forgive on the grounds that forgiving is somehow 'letting someone off' for what they did.  The idea that if one was to let go of it it could go round happening all over the place, willy nilly, unchecked. 

Holding on to it must be the only thing to do, if I remember it, if I stay cross, then it can't happen again. Or can it??? If I concentrate on that which I dislike for long enough I can change it. Or can I??? What a funny idea! It is a similar to feeling to that of 'they did this to me'; a victim mentality. Who wants to be in the ultimate position of disempowerment? Not me that's for sure! 

And of course remembering that feeling miserable is rather pointless and can achieve nothing other than more misery......

So knowing all this, and still feeling stroppy, how do I change my thoughts?

I was lying in bed getting my baby to sleep with all of these needy thoughts going on, and in such a position I felt that the resources available to me were limited; I needed to be quiet and  I could not move! So this was a super challenge for my incredible mind to come up with a way of shifting gear and moving to a better feeling set of thoughts.......

I thought of athletes and how they visualise training in order to practise, our bodies actually physically experience imagined activity if we visualise it clearly enough! So I did some virtual exercise, first I did twenty star jumps in my kitchen, next I went out into the park and ran around it and then I got on my trampoline and did ten star jumps, ten pike jumps, ten straddles and ten tuck jumps. I noticed that my muscles were very subtly moving while I did this. After a while I started to feel better. 
Eventually I fell asleep, and now I can barely open my eyes as I am so sleepy! I am having trouble reading what I have written, so you will have to forgive me if it's gobble-de-goop! 

However, I have forgotten what I was upset about, mostly anyway. I do feel better, my thoughts have moved on, I have let go of the need to blame. Forgiveness does not mean that I am open to something happening again, it means that I recognise that it is of no benefit to me or the rest of the world to hold onto what has gone before. I have no emotional attachment to it, I am free of it. I am free......

Today I am Thankful to have shown up on the page despite my head aching and not being able to focus my eyes!
I am Thankful for the power of virtual exercise
I am Thankful for everything I have learnt so far that helps me to CHOOSE GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS
I am Thankful for everything I still have to learn
I am Thankful for my eyes especially when they don't work so well
I am Thankful for the power of gratitude to raise my mood to a happy one
I am Thankful for ladybirds
I am Thankful for green shield beetles
I am Thankful for the way woodlice turn into a ball when disturbed
I am Thankful for ice

love Klara. 

Sunday, 26 February 2012

For Here's Where the Sun Shines....


It is a stunningly beautiful day today, the sky is completely blue as far as the eye can see, it is truly awesome!

                   It feels like Spring! Spring has Sprung!!!

I am tremendously excited, I have made it through the winter!!! I have been writing this for sixty days, that is half way to my goal of writing my blog for one hundred and twenty days nonstop (although now I'm sure I will carry on long after the one hundred and twentieth day).

My excitement is not about the achievement of writing for sixty days though although I do feel pleased about that, it is for the fact that I feel like I have made it through the winter! Yes, I have managed to choose good feeling thoughts every day ever since my revelation on the 15th of November, that I am not at the mercy of my thoughts.

I feel as if I have proved to myself that I do not have to surrender to what ever my mind happens to be focused on, I no longer have to helplessly flail about while my mind conjures up dark images to frighten me, or while my thoughts endlessly berate me or regurgitate old stories for me to wring out every last drop of missed opportunity.....

I am not a victim to the endless babble of the thought stream! My job now is simple, I steer and guide my thoughts, I gently lead them through the beauty of the world, I am returning to the realm of God, I am creating with my mind and using it as an incredible tool for joy for which I believe it was intended. 
No more the weeping for imagined sadness, no more the criticism for the perceived 'faults'. I am as spirit made me: Perfect in every way. By perfect I do not mean without flaw, an unattainable ideal, as would be the traditional understanding of the word perfect, I simply mean 'as I should be'. 

I first discovered the true meaning of perfect while out walking, I often used to pass a couple of gnarly old oak trees and every time I would stop and soak up their beauty, I fell in love with those two tress, in summer the branches would be hidden by a stunning leafy array, but in winter the trunk and branches would be revealed, naked to the sky. Those branches are bent, they are broken, dead parts dangling ground-wards in places, they are lumpy and bumpy and covered with moss and burrs and as such they are still, to my eyes and to my heart, utterly perfect and beautiful in every way. 

One day as I looked upon their glory I really noticed that beauty is rarely unflawed, imagine a clean flat surface or perhaps one colour, no marks no lines no bulges........
No evidence of life.
Even water when it is standing has image, perhaps the reflection of the sky or nearby trees, the underwater scene of weeds and fishes may be visible, ripples may disrupt the surface, pond skaters may dimple it's surface. 
Perhaps the dessert is flawless? But even the shifting sands hold the evidence of the sun, the wind and the weather, dying plants blow across its surface and dunes shift and change with the time. 
I cannot think of anything Natural and Earth grown that I find beautiful that is 'flawless'.

We are all perfect in our imperfections, our scars and lines and rough edges are often the things which make us the most beautiful, our unevenness and lack of symmetry are a signs of life. 

I feel magnificent and triumphant today, I feel successful and most of all I now know I can look to my next winter with a different frame of mind, I need no longer to look outside of myself for the sunshine....

"For here is where the sun shines and here is where the sky is blue, 
My heart's where the birds do sing, my peace comes from within. "

I wrote the above stanza about six years ago, it is the chorus of one of my songs, and I now feel that I truly understand what it means. I always wanted it to be true for me and I always knew it was possible, I just did not know how to find it within myself. 

I can find the sunshine inside myself when I look for good feeling thoughts and actively practise thinking them. I am going to keep working hard with my mind, I am going to keep trying every day to be the best I can be and to learn to see the sunshine behind the clouds in every season. 

Today I am thankful for the sunshine which allowed me to stay outside all day
I am thankful for all the supportive comments I have had about my blog
I am thankful for new possibilities
I am thankful for the opening up feeling which clearing out clutter brings
I am thankful for my baby's cheeky grin
I am thankful when I find buried treasure digging in my garden
I am thankful when my children help around the house
I am thankful when my baby has a really good sleep and wakes up smiling at the world
I am thankful when my children make each other laugh
I am thankful when my children make me laugh too 

love Klara. 

Saturday, 25 February 2012

An Ordinary Moment of Wonder


Everyday I sit down to write my blog post and I think to myself, and sometimes I say out loud "what on earth am I going to write?" Then I sit and stare at the screen for a while, I rest my chin on my hand for a few minutes and realise that I just have to get on with it and start. Something magical happens then and the words flow onto the (virtual) page and I find myself writing. I write about my day and the thoughts I am choosing and usually something beautiful happens; I find my own words speak to my soul. 

I am now intrigued to see what will come from me to the page each day. I remember once reading somebody's wise words, I think it may have been Osho, that we should listen most carefully to the things we find ourselves saying and in particular the advice we find ourselves giving, as it will be most useful for ourselves. When I am having a hard time finding the right good feeling thought recipe, one of the first things I now do is go back over my posts and read one or two of them, whichever most catches my eye. My own advice works the best for me!

I feel a bit like I am riding a good feeling thought wave at the moment, I am on the crest of the wave, gliding along looking at the wonderful view. I feel happy, relaxed and joyful. The world looks beautiful, captivating, awe inspiring. 

It has been about ten days since I decided that I would stop eating refined sugar altogether because sugar can compromise the body's ability to assemble essential fatty acids, particularly omega three and six, which are significant in healthy brain function. I have been altering my diet with the intention of maximising my chances of CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS. 
I am amazed at the effect of stopping sugar! Over the last week my mood has been extremely level, most days I have felt generally good and strong emotionally. I believe that sugar has been having a detrimental effect on my mental health. I was well aware of the blood sugar crashes which can occur with excessive sugar consumption, but I had not really thought about how it could affect my mood. I think it was partly a refusal to look at it, I had no desire to stop eating that delicious ubiquitous substance!!

I want to be the best I can be, I want to find the highest plateaux my mind can find and rest there, I desire peace in my mind, acceptance, and joy for the life I have found myself living. It feels like simplicity is the way. Clearing all the mental detritus, sweeping out all the cobwebs in the dark corners so that I can experience the real gift of existence

If I can achieve just a little more peace, make even the tiniest improvement in my happiness then it is worth doing. If you told me that eating gravel could help me to be happy I would probably give it a try! So giving up sugar is no big deal!

I have started to feel confident in my mind, I feel safe, it feels as if any monsters that may have been lurking have either been shown the door or have left of their own accord. I am CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS  as a way of life, as a thought process all in itself, it is becoming effortless. Hooray !!!

Today I am Thankful for delicious food
I am thankful for vegetables
I am thankful for fruits
I am thankful for mangos, I love mangos
I am thankful for kiwis
I am thankful for stunning sunsets
I am thankful for spring breezes
I am thankful for this day
I am thankful for my life
I am thankful for cheeses

love Klara.

Friday, 24 February 2012

A New World to Discover....


I had a great day today, for most of it I pottered about in the house tidying and organising and playing with baby, and then at three o'clock I went to a friend for a massage. 

                            WOW, massage!!!! 

About ten years ago I was given a gift token for a massage and was thrown into a complete panic! Massage in my mind was for naked Scandinavians frolicking next to fjords, and uninhibited people who wore caftans and lived in comunes. No, really I just didn't really like people touching me! Wow what a confession. It feels like a bombshell. 

In fact it was not a problem for me, I did not feel any great need for that kind of touch and I had the fantastic good fortune to have a strong and powerful body which up until recently did not need any assistance. 
So I dutifully and perhaps a little ungratefully went for my massage all those years ago, I was very nervous and felt very strange face down on a table looking through a hole at the bits of fluff on the floor! I seem to remember enjoying it very much, however the next day I came down with an overwhelming cold and sore throat and felt run down for days. 

I have had quite a few foot rubs since then but that is all, where am I going with this? Ah yes, today's massage.....
The massage today was fantastic, yes I felt a little uncomfortable, what do I have to take off? Would it hurt? Would I enjoy it too much?

It was a brand new experience for me. Hooray a new experience, this really excited me!!! Not only did I come away feeling a lot more supple and mobile (which was the object and reason for going in the first place - to help me stop hobbling) but I had made an entirely new discovery - massage awakens the body, enlivens it, and it seems to me brings a whole new aspect to having a physical experience! 
I'm sure there are plenty of people who already knew this, but I didn't. I am here on Earth for a physical experience and now it seems to me there is a whole new aspect of physicality for me to experience and investigate.

For many years now I have been going to festivals and walking around the healing areas as a kind of spectator, and a skeptical one at that! Sorry healers! Firstly I thought healing was for sick people and secondly I could not see what all the fuss was about? So many different treatments: Indian Head Massage, Gong Baths, Foot Washing, Two person Hawaiian massage, Shiatsu, Lomi Lomi, Hopi ear candles to name but a few! 
I would quickly scoot round the area, purely out of curiosity and then make a quick retreat, especially if someone should talk to me, they might have tried to touch me, heaven forbid!

I think I get it now!!!! I have a big smile on my face as I write this, I want to try it all out. I want to experience my sensuous body in every way that I can. At some point during my massage today the masseuse was working on my shoulder and the sensations were unlike anything I have experienced before, it was a kind of exquisite tickle, almost orgasmic as though something huge was being released. I was quite blown away by this. 

I have been sent into a kind of reverie for my body that I have never experienced before, what a creation, what a gift! A sensuous human body which I now want to explore! Hooray! 
I really feel that I can completely dispense with the idea that I don't want other people to touch me! It almost seems laughable! I look forward to trying out all the different physical treatments I can, as soon as possible. It also feels exciting to have a new way of interacting and communicating with other human beings, I am sure that it is part of our purpose here on Earth, otherwise we might as well be alone....

This is a big advance for me on my journey to a serene mind, a happy healthy mind must be intrinsically connected to a happy supple healthy body. I am excited, again I feel as if I am making progress. It's my birthday soon, I know what I'll be asking for!

Today I am Thankful for Nadia and her massage skills
I am Thankful for the healing powers of my body
I am Thankful for Healers all over the world
I am Thankful for new ways to communicate love and humanity
I am Thankful for touch
I am Thankful for night time walks
I am Thankful for being able to walk more fluidly again
I am Thankful for new discoveries
I am Thankful for strong hands
I am especially Thankful to discover a whole new world to explore right on my doorstep

love Klara. 

Nadia's Website

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Shine Like The Stars!


So funny! I woke up in the night, which is no unusual thing for me, and it came to me exactly what I would write about today, I was really pleased, it was juicy and interesting and profound!
Now I can't remember what it was!
It was so poignant and so clear, I was totally sure I would of course remember it and now I don't!

I choose to laugh about this! I choose to be glad for all the times I do remember to do and say things which are important to me!

I am still working on the way I talk to myself, I often catch myself saying things out loud, to my children, or in my head which are actually really self critical! In fact I can remember a few years ago how my children used to call me "sieve head"!!! 
Well what's wrong with a bit of good humoured teasing? What is right about it?

Fun is fun because it feels harmonious, no it's better than that, real fun makes us smile inside as well as outwardly! Fun feels good because we enjoy it, perhaps it is exhilarating, maybe it is heart warming, or perhaps it just makes us laugh so hard that our smiles ache afterwards.

I also think there is nothing whatsoever wrong with laughing at ourselves, in fact I think it is very important, I definitely don't want to take myself too seriously! How boring that would be for me and possibly detrimental to my health and well being!!!
Which is why I am striving to learn to be less self critical, even in a so called 'fun' or 'jokey' way. 
I did something a bit daft earlier, I forget what it was (obviously nothing worth remembering) but I said out loud to my baby "silly mummy, mummy is a fool" Why on earth would I want to teach my little baby to talk down to herself? There is a great deal of research to confirm that children emulate their parents, and some people may think it's cute or sweet to hear a small child say "oh silly me" but is it? Really???

I want to develop my self esteem and hopefully by doing so I will pass on high self esteem to my children. I want them to value themselves, to value their precious human lives and to have a great time here on planet earth. 
As soon as I caught myself saying I was a fool, I stopped and made up a little song about how mummy is brilliant and so is baby, and I sang it for a while, my baby relaxed and smiled and then went to sleep. Good. 

I believe we are never to young (or old) to start learning to choose good, useful thoughts. We are never to young or old to recognise our own magnificence! Even when I feel the most dreadful and the most devastated that I can get I can still find a tiny thing to like about myself, however small it may be, it is IMPORTANT!! That tiny thing is the route back to well being, that one tiny thing when concentrated upon will grow and multiply in my thoughts and lead me home to GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS! 

I want my children to always search for and reach for the positive which exists all around them. I want them to notice that the world is magical, incredible and astonishing, and the best way that I can do that is to do it for myself. 
I hereby declare that I will strive everyday to stop taking the incredibleness of the world and of my own being for granted. And the best possible way for me to do that is to direct and guide my thoughts to a trickle of harmonious thoughts, that way I will be able to be still enough in my mind to actually see, smell, hear, taste and touch the Magnificence of Creation here on Earth!

Have you looked at the stars lately? Have you noticed their Brilliance? Really? Stars? Tiny but enormous dots of light making their way to our eyes from so far away that I can't really comprehend it!

              Enough of this playing small!

I am reminded of a speech often credited to Mandela but actually by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Yes let us all notice how brilliant we are and speak of it at least to ourselves and our children.

Today I am Thankful for all the stars in the sky
I am thankful for the mystery or life
I am thankful for poster paints
I am thankful for windmills
I am thankful for the very hungry caterpillar
I am thankful for the myriad of colourful butterflies in the world
I am thankful for my glasses
I am thankful for head space whenever I get it
I am thankful for my bath tub and the opportunity to lie in it and doze
I am thankful for poetic inspiration

love Klara.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

A Healthy Heart and A Healthy Mind


I'm in bed and it's nearly nine o'clock and I have absolutely no idea what to write about! I have had a really busy productive day. I have done lots of paper work and I have finally finished organising my bill payments and finances so I no longer have to give them a moments thought! Ha! I am very pleased with myself for doing this! I am patting myself on the back and smiling. 

On sunday the eighteenth of March (which is actually my birthday) I am going to my grandma's one hundredth birthday party! I am very excited about this, I have had the privilege of going to one other one hundredth birthday party, that of my Aunty Daisy when I was about ten (I'm sure my mum could correct me on this) and I don't remember it at all! Aunty Daisy lived until she was one hundred and one, and I remember her quite clearly, she lived in Hastings in an old people's home, she was very jolly. 

My grandma has always amazed me, it has always seemed to me that she has looked the same my whole life! I will always remember my younger sister saying when she was very little "Why is grandma's face stripy?" because grandma is very wrinkled!

What has most amazed me about grandma though is her outlook on life, up until she was ninety-eight she had lived alone for thirty years, she did all her own shopping and cooking, she frequently went to the theatre, she went on several holidays a year including not that long ago a cruise with my Aunty (her daughter) and her social life was so busy that if I wanted to visit I had to make an appointment! Her social life was busier than mine!!!!

Grandma is still completely compos mentis, and I am certain that the reason for her extreme well-being is her attitude to life. My grandma is always looking forward with enthusiasm to the next exciting thing on her agenda, she is often making plans, and she is always ready to laugh at herself or the world. 
Two years ago now, she had a fall in her flat and ended up in hospital, she had to have a hip replacement and spent six weeks in hospital. My children and I managed to visit her most days that she was there, she healed very quickly and frequently talked of going home and getting on with life. When she got home she got on with learning to walk again with sticks and walking frames and astonished her doctors with her swift recovery. Once she was well enough she set about moving house to live near her daughter eighty miles away! 

Anyway the point I am trying to make here is that grandma does not entertain rubbish thoughts, and she almost always focuses on the positive. I think I have only heard her mention discomfort once or twice over the last ten years and even then she did it with a smile on her face! I think her longevity and her well being are a direct result of HARMONIOUS THOUGHT PATTERNS, I believe she looks for the positive everywhere and keeps focused on productive thoughts. 

Grandma is an inspiration to me, she is walking talking proof that thinking good feeling thoughts is healthy. She is not a health food fanatic, she once said to me that she felt it was important to eat local food because it must be fresher, but apart from that I think she has just eaten and drank in moderation. I think the secret to her succes is self acceptance, self respect and joie de vivre, (and perhaps not a little stubbornness!). Grandma is kind and generous, but she is also frugal, and has taken no more than she needs from the world. 

I love my grandma, I am thankful for her everyday, I am thankful for the example she has set for me, she is an inspiration to me in my thought choosing mission. I am going to do my best to see the beauty in everything, look for the happy side of life and live to see my one hundredth birthday!!!!

Today I have loving gratitude for my grandma
I have loving gratitude for her smile
I have loving gratitude for her kindness
I have loving gratitude for the yummy soup she used to make for my children each time we visited
I have loving gratitude for the memories I have of being in her house as a little girl enjoying the peace and quiet there
I have loving gratitude for the one memory I have of sitting on grandpa's knee
I have loving gratitude for the grandmother clock on their sitting room wall
I have loving gratitude for the memory I have of grandma dancing round her sitting room with my children
I have loving gratitude for my whole family
I have loving gratitude for my winter gloves grandma gave me

love Klara. 

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Worse things happen at sea! Choose Joy!!!


Today I have had plenty of opportunity to practice staying in a good mood for the simple reason that getting upset when things appear to be wrong or unharmonious achieves nothing whatsoever. So far I feel I have been very successful! Nothing major or life altering happened today, there was nothing but everyday challenges to deal with, and I dealt with them with a smile! Actually quite a of of the time I found myself laughing out loud simply because ordinarily (or habitually) I might have got annoyed or felt disappointed, and now that seems so pointless.

The beauty and release of knowing that being sad, annoyed, disappointed or irritated (and probably a myriad of other unharmonious emotions which can be labeled) achieves nothing other than misery feels exquisite and funny. Clearly those emotions serve a very important purpose, I believe they help us to hone our preferences, they are the tool which we have to steer us in the right direction for a enjoyable life. If an experience brings up unharmonious feelings, then in future we will know to avoid it, in the same way that if we cut ourselves by using a blade carelessly or clumsily we will know to do it differently next time.

I don't believe unharmonious emotions are there simply to be felt for their own sake in the same way that happy ones are, once the unpleasant reaction to a situation or circumstance has been emotionally noted is there really any reason to continue to feel it?

Clearly sometimes there are situations where my emotions highlight a change or some action which needs to be taken, and sometimes circumstances mean that I feel sad (or even devastated) for a time, like in the case of loss of a loved one or a significant relationship.

I was fortunate today, there were a couple of times when I started to react to circumstances and I was gently reminded by my partner of my discovery that I need not react, and all that happened was that I just said "Oh, OK" and moved on, it really was as simple as that!

I had a broad smile from ear to ear as I hobbled around, in fact I laughed out loud as an elderly lady overtook me on the high street. The physical pain and mobility issues which I am currently experiencing are even starting to seem like the perfect opportunity to practice feeling happy despite apparent disadvantages. I have noticed that when dealing with pain, what I focus on and which thoughts I allow myself to think has a considerable bearing on the way I experience the pain; if I think of what I would love or concentrate on something interesting, then the pain is simply there in the background, however if I notice the pain and go with thoughts about how unpleasant it is or how I wish it would go away then sometimes it becomes intolerable and I spiral downward into the gloom. 

When something happens which my mind logs as 'serious' I do still have a bit of a dilemma, an inner battle goes on where I know that thinking about how upset I am will do nothing for me, but as I am not quite out of the habit of indulging bad feeling thoughts there is a part of me which still wants to go with those miserable old thoughts. It's a bit like when someone says "look at that horrible thing over there" for me it still takes some effort of will not to look, after all why would I want to see something horrible? And yes ok I'm sure there are people out there who see the 'value' in looking at unpleasant things, but I'm not one of them! 

I am going to do my best, I am going to keep trying however hard it is to remember how easy it can be, to remember to laugh when I could frown, to remember that worse things happen at sea, I am going to keep challenging myself to not get upset when things seem difficult.....

                         I CHOOSE TO LAUGH
                           I CHOOSE PEACE
                            I CHOOSE LOVE
                          I CHOOSE JOY !!!!!

Today I am thankful for my leg which doesn't hurt
I am thankful that I can still walk even though it hurts
I am thankful that I will get better
I am thankful that I have a working car
I am thankful for speedy old ladies
I am thankful for wonderful views
I am thankful for open hearts
I am thankful that fingernails and hair keeps growing.........
I am thankful that I have a garden
I am thankful for the world garden

love Klara.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Feeling Good for it's own Sake


I have been hobbling around all day after a night of pain in my hips and it's given me another opportunity to think about thoughts and feelings and what purpose they serve. What with the hobbling and a rather unproductive day, I could be thinking a lot of negative thoughts right now...

However this morning I was joking with my ten year old daughter about angry feelings, we were remembering a time when a friend tore off his wing mirror driving too close to a hedge, he simply shrugged and put the mirror in the vehicle and drove on. My daughter, who was very little at the time, and I were rather surprised at his seemingly cavalier attitude, and upon questioning he simply asked "Will being angry fix the wing mirror?"

This now reminds me of something Brad Yates ( eft Wizard ) often says in his videos: "I can't get angry/sad/frustrated enough to change this" or "how angry/sad/frustrated to I need to get to change this event?" 

Suddenly today this seemed so obvious, so poignant; what do I achieve by being upset about my circumstances? and the answer will always be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WHATSOEVER!!!!
The only thing which happens if I am upset is that I feel rubbish, that's it, final. 

Perhaps if I am upset around other people they will give me energy by sympathising or trying to find solutions for me and maybe sometimes that will be what I want, but if that's not what I want, or if I am alone then being upset will do diddly squat for me other than serve to immobilise me, or in that rather unpleasant way known as Murphy's law, it could make things worse........

My fury could lead to me not paying proper attention to my path and I could stub my toe, or my sadness could alter my perception enough for me to slip on a banana skin, or maybe I could just be so miserable that in my self absorbed wallow I could misinterpret my children's behaviour and be inadvertently unkind. 
Think downward spiral, it never rains but it pours...

So this particular train of thought led to my conclusion this afternoon that my misfortunes today were just that, misfortunes, and for a while I teetered on the brink of something which turned out to be a good mood, a sunny disposition, a kind of "oh well, what to do?" Que Sera Sera? (Which apparently is ungrammatical made up Spanish!).

Eventually I had to admit it, my brain was CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS ALL BY ITSELF!!!!!
What I mean by that is that the tendency to or addiction for thinking unharmonious feeling thoughts and sliding down into feeling miserable with all it's attendant brain and body chemistry, is disappearing! 
Perhaps new pathways are being made by my dendrites, perhaps I have made a simple but rather obvious discovery? 

Either way, it matters not! Another step has been taken towards self Mastery! It really feels as if I have made a breakthrough, there is nothing to gain by allowing unpleasant feeling thoughts to have free reign of my brain! Thinking unharmonious thoughts achieves nothing! 

However, the thinking of GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS does achieve something thoroughly desirable: feeling good!

That's what I'm here for! I'm having a human experience for the harmonious feelings! and ok contrast is useful for honing our preferences, but once we have tried out all the bad feeling thoughts and feelings is there any need to carry on choosing them? Now I know that I can feel good even when things appear to be unharmonious, what does that make of harmony? 

Today I am thankful for the lesson that feeling bad achieves nothing desirable to me
I am thankful that I can choose to feel miserable or happy
I am thankful for My Choice
I am thankful for my autonomy
I am thankful for the spring songs of the birds
I am thankful for inspired thoughts
I am thankful for good feeling thoughts
I am thankful for all the good nights sleeps I have had in my life
I am thankful for hearty meals
I am thankful for honesty

love Klara. 

Sunday, 19 February 2012

I Still Have a lot to Learn


It has been a beautiful day today and I have been out enjoying the sunshine.

Today I realised something quite helpful, I realised that my mission to learn how to CHOOSE GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS, is no different to any mission to learn anything! I had been giving myself a hard time for not being an expert yet! I had been having thoughts like "why do I have to work so hard at this?" and "why don't I just remember the simple things which make it easy for me to feel good?"

Then it came to me, I am not an expert!!!!! I am a novice, I am learning a new skill, I am in my thirteenth week of my 'make it up as I go along' course of learning how to see the beauty of the world, be comfortable in my life exactly as it is and, giving thanks each day, for seven weeks of which I have been writing this blog to keep track of my progress.

A degree takes three years, further study, like a Masters or a phD takes a further two years, and I have been working for thirteen weeks!!!! Hmmmm that's about three months and I don't even have a teacher!!!! Where is my teacher??? Any volunteers? Are you an expert in CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS? Can you recommend any good books? Please use the comments box!

So now I get to take a deep breath of appreciation for myself, I give thanks for my determination, I give thanks for my courage, I give thanks for my dedication, I give thanks for my resourcefulness, I give thanks for my will to be the best that I can be, and I give thanks for my continuing to work everyday on this project.

There is so much to remember, there are no supporting notes or videos to watch or coursework to tell me what to do next, so it looks like I may have another project on my hands to produce them!

I think my message for myself today is to be kind to myself, I need to remember to take stock of what I am currently doing, then put it into perspective with the rest of the world and relax!!!

It is so easy to take for granted my own inner work, it is so easy to forget the changes that have been made and their significance, it's a bit like watching my own children growing up, I don't notice the extent to which they change each day, the minuscule adjustments to their height, the subtle changes to their beautiful faces, the advances in their understanding and discovery of the world - but if they were to go away even for a couple of weeks on their return I would see the changes, I would see that they have grown.

Each day I am growing, each day I break through a little more of my old patterns, I move a little more swiftly from the negative to the positive. Each day I discover a new gem of wisdom and a new way of helping myself to the truth, a new way of bringing my unlimited self into being. 

I hope it doesn't take me five years to achieve achieve expertise in CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS, but I can see that it will take more time! Would that it were as simple as flicking a switch; today I wish to feel loving, graceful, serene, tomorrow I shall feel joy, passion and excitement and next thursday I shall reserve for a spectacular moment of appreciation for the sky!

No, I am more fluid than that, more fantastical than some man-made device, I am not a robot that can be programmed to feel certain feelings each day. I am influenced by the outside world, by the moon and the stars and the wind, I have to work with my world, move with the flow, the waxing and waning, the wet and dry, the night and day, the hard and the soft.
I am a living, breathing, magical creature made of flesh and bone and Soul and as such I must be fluid, I must change and shift with what feels good, and what is in my highest good. 

Today I give thanks for the sunshine and the gilt edges it lent to the clouds
I give thanks for my baby for sleeping so I could write this post
I give thanks for old friends and warm conversation
I give thanks for all the children growing and learning with love and enthusiasm
I give thanks for remembering I am still near the start of my journey
I give thanks for the rooks on the roof tops
I give thanks for the gift of parenting
I give thanks for my beautiful children
I give thanks for my cosy house
I give thanks for tea

love Klara.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

I Shall Go to the Ball Because feeling good feels good!


This morning I was sent this beautiful video:

It was so funny because at first I had some bizzarre resistance to watching it (I didn't feel like watching anything) and it sat in my inbox for a while. When I finally got around to watching it I was blown away, rushes of excitement coursed through my body and as the film went on I became more and more excited and inspired by what the chap in the film had done.
In the name of Joy and Gratitude this man (Matt Harding) has travelled all over the world to share that happiness with other people and make a truly inspiring film!!!!!

What a rush! What an absolute breath of fresh air! A simple dance, danced with many other people from all different walks of life, all of them smiling, and all sharing a simple moment: Dancing our Joy to the world!

I love things like this, I would like to be sent an inspiring short film to watch every morning to start my day with, to align myself with all that is joyful, fun and exciting in the world, the very things I feel I came here for.

In my late twenties I moved into a house after roughly ten years of living outside, still to this day I miss the great outdoors, I especially miss being outside at night.
Any how on moving in to the house 'screen' caught up with me! I had been living without television or computers for a long time and I did not miss it, I declared myself technophobic, and still to this day I feel very much at home with just books and musical instruments for company.
However I now have to say that I REALLY LIKE THE INTERNET!!!! It feels like a confession, a naughty secret.....

I have discovered that the internet can be a wonderful thing! We no longer need to get on the radio, television or newspapers in order to share something amazing or life changing, we can simply put it on the internet and millions of other people all over the world can share it with us.

There is so much beauty out there in the world, there are so many wonderful inspired people doing fabulous things which bring smiles and gladness into our houses and into our hearts. Today I feel enormously grateful for those people like Matt Harding who turn a little silliness into a tool for sharing Joy.
I feel like the balance created by joyful media is essential in our current shared reality, I need this stuff, I need perspective. I am one tiny human being on a planet teeming with other beings in a whole myriad of genres, and although I would love to travel and plan to do so at some point in my life, I have not done much so far.
What enters my reality through my little corner of the world would be very different if it weren't for the internet.

My other reaction to this film was that I felt huge Gratitude that other people in the world feel that joy and gratitude are important enough to devote their life to sharing it. Sometimes I encounter people who question the validity of my mission to live a life of joy and gratitude. Perhaps I should be doing something more valuable, maybe there is another more practical, more productive way to achieve the greatness and happiness I am looking for in life? Maybe I should just give in an accept that I have depressive tendencies?

NO, Really?? Is there really anything more valuable, or more important than Mastering my mind? Is there really an alternative to healing my inner baggage and choosing to focus on the wondrous beauty of the World?

Maybe it won't work anyway? Perhaps I will continue to struggle for ever with my self?? NO no no, enough of the Nay saying, feeling good feels good and quite frankly what else is there out there (or in here) that is truly desirable?

So I am going to keep Choosing Good Feeling Thoughts no matter how hard it is, and I know for sure that I am not alone in the world on this mission, there is a crazy guy travelling the world doing a little dance and I look forward to meeting him and many others like him too.........

Today I have loving gratitude for Gratitude Dancers all over the world
I have loving gratitude for YouTube
I have loving gratitude for the internet
I have loving gratitude for people who share uplifting films
I have loving gratitude for the smiles on everyone's faces
I have loving gratitude for divine silliness
I have loving gratitude for people who can keep straight faces when other people are being very funny because that makes it even funnier
I have loving gratitude for our enormous human family
I have loving gratitude for my lovely friend who sent me that video xxx

love Klara.
I have loving gratitude for

Friday, 17 February 2012

Today I am the Ocean, Where is my Clarity?


How do I help myself to be all that I wish to be? What is it that I wish to be? I wish to be whole and unravelled in my entirety, I wish for clarity, simple understanding, and peacefulness with my life exactly the way it is right now.

It's not a lot to ask for but I seem to be constantly baffled by my current inability to remember all the aspects of maintaining a peaceful mind. Each day the element which I need to hold my centre is seems as different as the clouds in the sky from day to day, and some days I find that essential ingredient, the piece of the puzzle which I need to finish the picture, my day flows ahead of me, I smile, doors open and my heart dances. On others I search all day long for the key which unlocks my heart, until finally when I had almost given up it appears as if it had been there all the time, I open the door and the sun shines brightly on the creation of my life and I relax, back in the flow.

When I find the answer, the simple ingredient to align all the flavours I vow never to forget it, I will have it tattoo'd on my arm so I can refer to it whenever I feel lost, I send it to myself in text messages, I email myself the truth, I write it on bits of paper and stick it on the wall of my bathroom. I feel sure.
Next morning I wake up and it is gone again!

I read the texts and emails, I scour the pieces of paper, but the wisdom of yesterday is not always the panacea of today, yesterday I was the Ocean, today I am the Sky, tomorrow I may be the Stars and the day after perhaps I will be the Trees. Everyday the answer is simple but most days it eludes me for a time.

I congratulate myself for my successes again each small success I have, and if it is only just before I fall asleep last thing at night that I find the blessing which brings me peace then so be it, I have success.

I must say the loving words that I wish to hear, and I must say them to myself, I and only I know the words I long to hear, and they are meaningless until I say them.

        I love myself, I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am kind. 
      My life is important, I am a fantastic mother, I am generous. 
           I bring joy to the world, I am special, I am inspiring. 
                                     I love myself.
                                          I love.

Some days I re-read my blog and I am amazed at the words I have written, I am pleased to be able to help myself by reading my own writings.

Today is the forty ninth day I have written my blog, that is seven whole weeks, I am quite impressed that I have managed to keep doing it. I am still devoted to finding peace in my heart, I am dedicated to maintaining an attitude of gratitude and I am feeling very pleased that I have worked and stuck at keeping my hands and my heart in the sunshine.

I am still CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS as much as I can because I believe that it is a valid important method of recognising the beauty of the world. We have so much to contend with when we come to our physical lives, there is so much negativity in the world, and seemingly so much addiction to negativity, being positive despite it all is one big challenge......

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, 
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating, 
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, 
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 
And lose, and start again at your beginnings 
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you 
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch, 
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, 
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run- 
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, 
And  - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

"You are supposed to thrive, you are supposed to feel good, you are good, you are loved, Well being is constantly flowing to you, if you allow it it will manifest in all manner of ways in your experience." (Abraham - Hicks)

Today I feel grateful for inspiring poetry
I feel grateful for my blog
I feel grateful for my will to be a success at being Me
I feel grateful for lemons
I feel grateful for all the people in the world working to change for the better for everyone
I feel grateful for all the trees near my house
I feel grateful for my beautiful children
I feel grateful for my hands
I feel grateful for my healthy heart
I feel grateful for inspirational stories

love Klara.