Sunday, 19 February 2012

I Still Have a lot to Learn


It has been a beautiful day today and I have been out enjoying the sunshine.

Today I realised something quite helpful, I realised that my mission to learn how to CHOOSE GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS, is no different to any mission to learn anything! I had been giving myself a hard time for not being an expert yet! I had been having thoughts like "why do I have to work so hard at this?" and "why don't I just remember the simple things which make it easy for me to feel good?"

Then it came to me, I am not an expert!!!!! I am a novice, I am learning a new skill, I am in my thirteenth week of my 'make it up as I go along' course of learning how to see the beauty of the world, be comfortable in my life exactly as it is and, giving thanks each day, for seven weeks of which I have been writing this blog to keep track of my progress.

A degree takes three years, further study, like a Masters or a phD takes a further two years, and I have been working for thirteen weeks!!!! Hmmmm that's about three months and I don't even have a teacher!!!! Where is my teacher??? Any volunteers? Are you an expert in CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS? Can you recommend any good books? Please use the comments box!

So now I get to take a deep breath of appreciation for myself, I give thanks for my determination, I give thanks for my courage, I give thanks for my dedication, I give thanks for my resourcefulness, I give thanks for my will to be the best that I can be, and I give thanks for my continuing to work everyday on this project.

There is so much to remember, there are no supporting notes or videos to watch or coursework to tell me what to do next, so it looks like I may have another project on my hands to produce them!

I think my message for myself today is to be kind to myself, I need to remember to take stock of what I am currently doing, then put it into perspective with the rest of the world and relax!!!

It is so easy to take for granted my own inner work, it is so easy to forget the changes that have been made and their significance, it's a bit like watching my own children growing up, I don't notice the extent to which they change each day, the minuscule adjustments to their height, the subtle changes to their beautiful faces, the advances in their understanding and discovery of the world - but if they were to go away even for a couple of weeks on their return I would see the changes, I would see that they have grown.

Each day I am growing, each day I break through a little more of my old patterns, I move a little more swiftly from the negative to the positive. Each day I discover a new gem of wisdom and a new way of helping myself to the truth, a new way of bringing my unlimited self into being. 

I hope it doesn't take me five years to achieve achieve expertise in CHOOSING GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS, but I can see that it will take more time! Would that it were as simple as flicking a switch; today I wish to feel loving, graceful, serene, tomorrow I shall feel joy, passion and excitement and next thursday I shall reserve for a spectacular moment of appreciation for the sky!

No, I am more fluid than that, more fantastical than some man-made device, I am not a robot that can be programmed to feel certain feelings each day. I am influenced by the outside world, by the moon and the stars and the wind, I have to work with my world, move with the flow, the waxing and waning, the wet and dry, the night and day, the hard and the soft.
I am a living, breathing, magical creature made of flesh and bone and Soul and as such I must be fluid, I must change and shift with what feels good, and what is in my highest good. 

Today I give thanks for the sunshine and the gilt edges it lent to the clouds
I give thanks for my baby for sleeping so I could write this post
I give thanks for old friends and warm conversation
I give thanks for all the children growing and learning with love and enthusiasm
I give thanks for remembering I am still near the start of my journey
I give thanks for the rooks on the roof tops
I give thanks for the gift of parenting
I give thanks for my beautiful children
I give thanks for my cosy house
I give thanks for tea

love Klara.

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