It's Eight thirty pm and I am in bed with my baby sleeping next to me, I have had a beautiful day again, but right now I wish I could just go to sleep. I am lying on my side in the dark, and I am thanking the Klara of yesterday (well about ten years ago actually) for learning to touch type, as I can't see the keys! I was awake most of last night with my baby teething, so today my energy levels have fluctuated and for most of today I have existed in a kind of ethereal haze. So it's not my ideal situation for blog writing, but I have made a commitment to myself so do it I shall.
I feel so thankful that we felt inspired to head for the hills today. My partner and I and the children spent the day walking through beautiful wintery land, every five yards or so the children jumped in icy puddles revelling in the sound and feel of cracking ice beneath their feet. We were well wrapped up against the freezing cold but I relished the feel of the icy breeze against my face as I made my way through one of my favourite landscapes, the top of the mendips, to climb down inside a deep crack in the earth.
Inside the cave the air is a constant ten degrees centigrade (so I'm informed) and we could really feel the warmth of it too. We climbed into the crack to meet with the dragons which live there and I could smell their breath on the air down there. I felt them watching me as I lay still looking into the darkness. I felt glad that I could not see them, glad that they are undetectable by any man made instruments, and glad that I could feel their steely gaze upon me. I stayed as long as my knees would allow and introduced my baby to the dark and the dragons of the cave, her serious little face looking into the dark below, she smiled as I said their names into the earth and then her little hand went up in a silent wave goodbye as we left.
My world is full of magical occurrences, I refuse to be fooled by the material world, I refuse to be seduced by the physical into thinking that the only things which are 'real' are the ones we can measure with instruments, or taste, touch or capture on film. I love tiredness for the extra dimension it brings to my life; I feel altered, open minded, open to different sensations, different realms and dimensions, and in an unusual way tiredness makes me feel more alive.
I could have sliced the air today with a knife, it was so thick with presence. I love days like today, I love walking out in the world with no agenda, no mission, nothing to achieve, it is a delicious way for me to be. I loved seeing the faces of the trees and the moon in the afternoon.
This is what I came here for! To walk next to the babbling brook, to feel the carpet of moss on the forest floor, to lick icicles, to be watched by the wild as I linger in the peace of undisturbed earth.
I long to spend as much time as I like with the undisturbed earth, I long to sit with her and hear her stories on the wind, I long to taste her trickling waters and smell her fragrant blooms. I long to be out in the nature for as long as I need to be until I have had enough and then I can go home, my cup filled with beauty.
Today I give thanks for the undisturbed lands
I give thanks for the deer we saw bounding across the hill in front of us
I give thanks for my legs which carried me on my walk
I give thanks for the earth dragons silently waiting for those who love them
I give thanks for the call of birds on the wind
I give thanks for fresh spring water frozen into swirling delicate flows
I give thanks for the deep mysterious darkness of caves
I give thanks for the bright blue sky
I give thanks for countless icy puddles
I give thanks for the mystery of life