Monday, 30 April 2012

Forgiving My Own Heart


What is forgiveness? I really would like to understand forgiveness, for example why is it that some things are so easy to forgive, and that others I just seem to hang on and on, as if waiting for some sort of divine intervention; The hand of God comes down from the sky, monty python style,  shakes it's finger at me and I hear the words "get on with it!"
No? Ok, that's not going to happen. So it's up to me! I have been pondering forgiveness a lot lately, some people are really very good at it, while others can hold a grudge for years and years. 

What I do know about forgiveness though is that it has everything to do with me and almost nothing to do with whoever I need to forgive, and what I mean by that is that I am the primary beneficiary of my act of forgiveness. Also I have definitely experienced a kind of energetic tie to people to whom I hold anger or bad feelings, it is almost as if there they are in my consciousness floating around like a little thunder cloud! Even this on its own seems like a very good reason to find forgiveness for them! 

Upon looking up forgiveness I found this phrase: "..... in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive", I found this really interesting simply because it highlighted for me that it's not just me that doesn't really understand how forgiveness works! If we need to believe ourselves able to forgive no wonder it can be so hard to do it sometimes! 
Conversely if all that is needed is a belief in our ability to forgive, then perhaps forgiveness can be really easy? 

Is forgiveness just another choice to be made? Surely if I can choose what I think about on a momentary or daily basis, I can also in the same vein choose to believe that I can forgive. Again I am drawn to living in the soul, if I am new each moment, without memory and past experience forgiveness must be a given. 

Where I get stuck sometimes is on "If I forgive you, does that permit you to do it again, or mean that I condone your actions?" For me that is the biggest barrier to forgiveness. When I see it in writing it seems daft! It strikes me as being a very old story; I have noticed that people often think that children need to be taught how to behave, and as a part of that, showing that they regret doing things which have hurt or upset other people seems to be paramount. There has been a perception that guilt must be heaped onto our souls in order for us to understand repentance and apology. 

What a shame that is, I have learnt through parenting that children emulate their parents and they rarely if at all need to be taught anything. Also it is clear to me that people know when they have done things which have hurt other people and that it is human nature to regret hurting others, I believe when we hurt others we feel it too, and whether we show that or not is entirely personal. My eldest daughter has taught me that it is possible to be sorry without even a hint! 

So, I choose to learn forgiveness, I choose to let go of the 'wrongs' which have been done to me! I am no victim to life, 'who' has 'caused' all the trouble anyway? When I take on 100% responsibility for my own life the only person who needs forgiveness is myself! Perhaps that is the hardest person to forgive, little old me! 

I hereby declare that I forgive myself all that I have done or omitted to do which may have hurt others or myself. I love myself, I deserve forgiveness, I deserve to be happy. No amount of self hate or un-forgiveness can undo what has been done, so it serves no purpose other than to hold me back. Let go of the limiting nonsense and step into the freedom of love......

Today I am Thankful for forgiveness
I am Thankful for love
I am Thankful for second, third, fourth, fifth ad infinitum chances
I am Thankful for being responsible for my own life
I am Thankful for the Great Mystery
I am Thankful for Blue Bells in springtime
I am Thankful for adventures in the world and in the mind
I am Thankful for sweetly scented flowers
I am Thankful for sparkle
I am Thankful for Light!

love Klara.

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