Today is day one hundred and thirteen of my self-challenge to write for one hundred and twenty days, only one week to go! One week until what exactly? What happens on day one hundred and twenty? Will trumpets sound? Perhaps I will ascend? Or maybe a perfect understanding of Life the Universe and Everything will suddenly bloom about my being?
More likely not a lot will happen, perhaps if I allow it there may be a sense of anti-climax! Thinking of why I set myself the challenge to write for one hundred and twenty days, I think my main reasons were firstly that I hoped (although I thought it unlikely) that I could do it, secondly I once read that if one did something for ninety days it would become a habit and I fancied a blog writing habit, and thirdly I hoped that my writing every day and sharing my experience with those who care to read it would bring about something special, unusual, profound or helpful.
What has come about is that I now know that I will be writing this everyday for a very long time, day one hundred and twenty or no! I plan to live for a nice long time! Since I started writing this, and more and more as time goes by, I have firstly few reasons, and secondly no excuse to allow myself to wallow in any apparently negative occurrences or moods which come my way.
This is a new chapter of self responsibility for me, occasionally it irks me to have to find my way to better feeling thoughts, there is still a small part of me which enjoys (if one can call it that) wallowing in self pity, the heightened energy of anger or the complacency of boredom, to name but a few of my old destructive habits!
But now that I have made and fully understood my discovery that mood and thoughts are a choice, a resource even, so that I can refine my life preferences and experience a myriad of feelings and sensations, I realise completely that I am no victim to life or my thoughts and my choice to be happy is always there making it very hard for me to allow myself the destructive indulgence of misery gloom and doom!
I also feel that it is very important for my children that I lead by example, it would be a bit useless if I was to ask them to reach for better feeling thoughts when they feel one of the low emotions if I was not prepared to and actively doing the same! Children emulate their parents (I do believe, I find that I am being drawn more and more to tiny floral print clothing just like my mum wears!!!) so the best way to help my children to be happy is to embody happiness itself, no pressure or anything!!!
So there we have it, I have made my bed and I have to lie in it! And what a deliciously comfortable, cosy, warm, inviting bed it is too!
Hooray for the challenges we set ourselves, for something wonderful has truly come out of my blog, I can't hide from my understanding that Happiness, Joy and Passion are all a choice and an act of self -love, self-will and self-responsibility!
Today I am Thankful for the lessons of every moment
I am Thankful for all my seedlings growing in my garden
I am Thankful for ll the seedlings of happiness growing in my heart and mind
I am Thankful for the rain which nourishes the seedlings
I am Thankful for oats
I am Thankful for beans
I am Thankful for barley
I am Thankful for my family
I am Thankful for the people who make motorways beautiful with wildflower seed bombs
I am Thankful for the men who mow the park