Sunday, 22 April 2012

Patience, Kindness and Sleep!


LIfe appears to me through a lens, I often think of the rose tinted spectacles I wore as a teenager, and occasionally now I put on a pair of sunglasses just to see the world through different colours than the ones my eyes show.

I have decided that it would be a good plan to grow my own rose tinted lenses for my own eyes, ones which will eventually become permanent, I will not be removing them once they have grown! Rose tinted glasses are no good on their own, they can be removed and then lost, broken or forgotten and then have to be found, remade and remembered in order to be of use! 

I am growing a permanent new lens through which to see the world and my life. Good. Today has been hard work, I have been waring an old worn out pair of lenses, perhaps they slipped over my eyes because I am tired, I have had quite a few nights in a row now of insufficient sleep and today it has been taking its toll. Moments of clarity have been drifting in and out of my consciousness, and some of the time I have been gladly resting in the now playing with my baby and talking with friends and family.

However some of my day was spent briefly indulging in the morbid imagination, for a while I tried to swat it away like some sort of annoying fly, and just like that fly it kept coming back! So I allowed it for some time, I let my imagination think up some really miserable morbid scenarios and sure enough I found them addictive and hard to leave before the grand finale! 

What did I learn from that exercise? What indeed did I learn from today? That tiredness can hamper good feeling. Tiredness lowers my defences, physically and emotionally and that being kind to myself is a daily practice, being kind to myself need never go away! I will never have got it done! 

Perhaps we never do get life done, there is always more to learn, improvements which can be made, the lens can grow rosier and rosier forever! 

One thing which I did glean from the morbid imagination today is that it can highlight problem areas, I used to think it was pure fantasy, and perhaps because I indulged in it so often I could not see any real relation to my own life amongst the craziness, but today I noticed that all the ridiculous imagined scenarios has elements of my deeper fears and perceived inadequacies. I found that very interesting. Maybe in the future if I am ever feeling complacent or like I have it all sorted I can give the morbid imagination a test run and see what it kicks up! 

So, my words for today are patience, kindness and sleep! My rose tinted lens will grow eventually, healing can take time. Loving myself is key to feeling good, when I remember to tell myself all the things which I love about being me I do feel really well and blessed, when I am kind to myself I am much better able to be kind to others. 
When I have had a few really good sleeps I am sure some of the rose tint will grow back all by itself!

So here I am, no huge great revelations today, just simple reminders that healing takes time, gentleness is key to self love and growth and of course my world looks dark when I allow my focus to slip away from that which I love.......

Today I am Thankful for kindness
I am Thankful for the regenerative powers of sleep
I am Thankful for my songs and stories
I am Thankful for my voice
I am Thankful for my guitar
I am Thankful for all my talents
I am Thankful for my body
I am Thankful for my smile
I am Thankful for my sense of humour
I am Thankful for my ability to choose my focus

love Klara.  

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