Sometimes my thoughts are burdensome and encumbering, I don't quite know what to do, they convince me that they are true and worthy, I believe them, they paint a dark and dismal picture of my life; all the things I have not yet achieved, how unfortunate I am, how I will never be successful.
I have become bogged down by these thoughts. I went away for six days on a lovely holiday, and over that time I scheduled my posts, which I had written before I went away, to come out each day that I was away, and somehow it didn't work. Who knows why? As a result of the posts not being published they did not get read by anyone, and for some reason I care about that. For some reason my thoughts want me to judge myself based on whether anyone read my posts, which is pretty ridiculous seeing as they weren't there to read!
My thoughts are telling me that writing this is pointless and that I should stop. I should stop and try something different, something which would work better, be more productive.......
These thoughts are not real and should not be paid attention to! Why? Because for a start what I learnt while I was away is that I need my blog! I need to sit down everyday and write. I need to write for my own wellbeing.
I visited some very beautiful and inspiring places on my little holiday, however gradually as the days went by my thoughts became more and more negative, without my blog to keep my focus on good feeling thoughts I struggled to sustain a good mood and my mind wandered, old poor thinking habits came creeping in!
At first I started to believe the negativity, after so much success at guiding my thoughts to good feeling places I had developed some trust I suppose in my thoughts and what they were telling me. How strange in six short days my perception of my life went from one of feeling truly blessed to feeling pretty much the opposite. I had become so sure of myself and my state of mind that I didn't really even bother to think each day of what I feel grateful for, my partner tried to encourage me to do it, but stubborn pigheaded thoughts had pretty much taken over.
Near the end of my holiday a new thought turned up, an ally! This thought said "Take no notice of these other thoughts, you are experiencing a kind of giant red herring! These other thoughts are not real! Do not act on them!"
Do not act on these thoughts! That was the most helpful thing I could have thought up! After all this time, a few negative thoughts turned up, I allowed them to replicated in their own likeness as they are wont to do, and they were on the verge of wreaking havoc, all that was left to do was to act on them.
So for me this has been a cautionary tale, more wiffs of 'Rome wasn't built in a day' and that learning to change old thinking habits can take time.
I have no idea how long it will take for positive well focused thoughts to become the automatic orientation of my mind. It doesn't really matter to me, what matters to me right now is that I have discovered that my blog is important to me. My blog really is helping me, maybe it is helping other people too.
Having a happy life is about focus, focusing on all that is wonderful and beautiful in ones life, seeing the blessings and actively noticing them everyday, making all my blessings be my biggest focus. That is what makes me happy.
It is really easy to focus in on the things I don't enjoy about my life, to compare my life to other peoples and how they might have more, better or more desirable circumstances than me. How boring. I have no interest in being unhappy, and focusing on all that is dull and miserable, I have spent enough of my life doing that........
Today I am Super Thankful to come home to my blog
I am Super Thankful that my blog has been making such a big difference to my life
I am Super Thankful for my holiday for showing me how great my blog is
I am Super Thankful for my time away from home in beautiful places
I am Super Thankful for the lush greenery growing from all the rain
I am Super Thankful for the magnificent images in my mind of the mountains I woke up next to on monday morning
I am Super Thankful for the waterfall I saw in the rain on sunday
I am Super Thankful for the wonderful rivers I visited
I am Super Thankful for spending time with lovely old friends
I am Super Thankful for my magnificently blessed life