Today I am remembering to relax. I have spent such a large proportion of my life feeling tense, in a kind of hyper aware state. Thinking about it now, I have always been a very sensitive person, not so much a coiled spring, more intensely alert and mindful, my body reacting to my minds continuous working over of anything I might need to sort out, as if thinking over and over something would change it somehow. After a certain amount of time of pondering a problem for a solution there must be a point where one says, "OK, there is no solution so I will let it go" and relax.
So Today I am remembering what it is like to relax, I have decided to make a habit of taking a deep breath and reminding myself that everything is OK. I do not live in a war zone, there are no tigers stalking me, and even if I did and there were, there would still be little point to worrying. I have developed a belief that when it is my time, it is my time and no amount of worrying will protect me from what is written.
So I shall relax. Relax and enjoy my day, relax and enjoy each minute and each hour. Breathe in and relax, breathe out and relax.
I have come to a friends house today to do some archery, he lives out in the hills, and when we arrived there was a fox in the field next to his house. How beautiful I thought, a fox, just sitting and looking nonchalantly around, being a fox. Relaxing fox enjoying its day and the sunshine. It feels so wonderful that there are still foxes living in England and now they feel so relaxed that we are able to see them in the middle of the day.
I wonder if there is anything which doesn't feel better when it is done in a relaxed way? I am not sure if being tense actually enhances any activity. I have encountered the concept of getting into the stream of well being and going with the flow a lot recently. Tenseness is the opposite to relaxing in the flow, it is resistance. When I am tense I resist the flow of well being, when I am relaxed I am encompassed by the warm stream of well being life moving along gently and pleasantly around me.
What am I resisting? I have been pondering this question for some time, and I think I have the answer! When I am tense and in resistance I am in opposition to where life is taking me, the stream has turned into a current and the ride becomes bumpy, I could at any point choose to relax and move with the current, but I am flailing around saying "No! This is not what I think I want!"
Life takes its course, the things which happen, happen whether I resist them or not (in the same way that they happen whether I worry about them or not) resistance only makes everything feel unharmonious! Resisting where life would take me is futile!
This leads me back to trust again. Trust is essential in the act of relaxing. In order to relax I need to trust where life is taking me. We are supposed to thrive, we are supposed to have a good time, just like the fox in the field. Life is good. Life is good.
In all the years that I was depressed what I remember the most is that the overriding feeling was one of resistance, every part of my being would be screaming NO! My mind and body would be facing the current and working hard to move against it. I did not trust life. I did not trust that life would bring me what I needed and desired. I believed in lack, I believed that there was not enough to go round.
I am enjoying life now much more than I ever have before, and today and everyday that follows I will be remembering to relax and trust the divine to take care of me.
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the stream of well being which flows all over the world
I have Loving Gratitude for the love which surrounds me
I have Loving Gratitude that I am learning to trust
I have Loving Gratitude for the foxy in the field
I have Loving Gratitude for the field around the fox
I have Loving Gratitude for my bow and arrows
I have Loving Gratitude for the joy of relaxing and hitting the target
I have Loving Gratitude for the lesson of archery
I have Loving Gratitude for the sunshine
I have Loving Gratitude for the peace in going with the flow