Saturday, 3 March 2012

Be Your Own Best Friend!


When I lie in bed in the evening getting my baby to sleep it gives me an opportunity to ponder over my thought processes. This evening I looked back over the things I have been thinking today, most specifically with attention to the tone of my thoughts; how kindly to myself have I been thinking?

I am asking myself this question because I have been feeling quite flat, so it seems likely that I have not been thinking the highest quality thoughts. 

Sometimes when I feel the need to address parts of my life that I am not satisfied with I can find myself thinking in a self-critical way, it is super easy for me to spot this kind of thinking when I witness other people doing it, they might say things like "I am not very good at such and such" or "I am so clumsy" or "I am stupid/ useless/ forgetful/ not very attractive" etc. Hopefully you get the idea about the kind of thoughts I am talking about. 

One of the questions which I find useful for judging whether these kind of thoughts or comments are appropriate for a loving relationship with oneself is "would I say these things to someone I love?" and if the answer is yes then I might ask "would I feel good about myself if someone else said them to me?"
If the answer to either of the above questions is no then I know that I am not being kind to myself. I have oftentimes been far more critical, brutal and unkind to myself than I would ever dream of being to anyone else. Is that as it should be? No, I don't believe it is. 

I have to live with myself for the whole of my life! I am the person I need to rely on, I am my own constant companion, I would not choose a friend to accompany me through my life if they were unkind or overly critical, so how am I to enjoy life if I tolerate my own bullying thoughts?

Bullying thoughts are not to be tolerated, entertained or listened to! I have slipped into a poor habit lately of entertaining them again. A few weeks ago I was really on top of bullying thoughts, but it seems they have donned new clothes and are masquerading as 'thoughts which need to be thunk!' 
These thoughts have been tricking me into thinking that they serve me somehow, that they are simply fluffy little sheep growing soft wool for me to snuggle in, when actually they are big nasty old wolves waiting to bite my head off when I am feeling low. 

These tricksy thoughts need to be pounced on, I need to be vigilant and ready for them with the antidote: Self Love. 
I love myself, it is super important to my well being that I love myself. I need to be my own biggest fan! 

To get to a place where I loved myself I had to start small, I began just by thinking of things that I quite liked about myself; I liked my hair, I liked my sense of humour, I liked my kindness to other people. After some time I got good at standing in front of the mirror and finding things to like about me. These days I find things to love about me everyday. I love my hair, I love my kindness and I have to be without doubt the funniest person I know (I can laugh at my own jokes for hours, even if no one else gets them!). 

Self love is a great place to start when learning to be kind to oneself and still the critical bullying voice. Often things which my thoughts would have me believe are 'facts' are nothing of the sort, they are simply thoughts, perceptions of circumstances, which could easily be rephrased in a positive, or completely different way! In the same way that a landscape can look entirely different from a shift in ones angle of looking upon it, or by looking through a different lens, circumstances can look entirely different when phrased differently or looked upon with the simple observation of love rather than judgement. 

By looking upon myself with love, I can be my own best friend, I can the companion that I deserve; a friendly, benevolent, humorous eccentric, with an eye for joy and silliness.  

Today I am Thankful for my sense of humour
I am Thankful for my amazing body
I am Thankful for the greenbrown colour of my eyes
I am Thankful for my poetic spirit
I am Thankful for my fantastic feet
I am Thankful for all the wisdom which helps me to enjoy my life
I am Thankful for words like enjoy, love and Peace
I am Thankful for reflections in tiny droplets of water
I am Thankful for the intricacy of spiders webs
I am Thankful for the lens of love

love Klara. 

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