Somedays I don't feel like writing my blog! I feel like having a day off, I'd like to watch a movie instead, or lie in the sun on my trampoline, or sit in the bath eating mangos! But I have made a commitment to myself to turn up here everyday on this page and write something about my journey into learning how to be happy exactly as I am in the world.
It's a funny thing learning to be happy exactly as I am, because really I think I must mean to be happy with my external circumstances, because the internal being which I am is constantly changing with every tiny insight I experience and of course every big one. Some days I have no insights (that I am aware of) and so I have to be happy with those days too!
Accept myself exactly as I am right now! That means warts and all. I remember thinking that was acceptance for my physical form, which I have grown to love and appreciate over the years. What an absolute blessing it is to have a body which works so wonderfully well.
More recently I have realised that self acceptance is also about being at peace with where I am emotionally as well as physically.
I wonder will there always be parts of me that need healing? Will I always need to move forwards, to push on through more and more barriers to simple ecstatic being? I suspect the answer is Yes!
I have been walking in the woods and in the fields today, for a while everything felt all out of balance, but eventually it all settled and I began to enjoy myself. Looking again at nature I noticed that nothing is perfect, everything is affected in some way by the way it grew. When I look at a tree I see the twists and turns taken by the branches, those trees which have grown closely with other trees have had to change direction in places, their shoots sometimes twirling around and around each other. Those trees which have grown out on their own generally have straighter more uniform growth, except where they may have been nibbled by a deer in their sapling stage and have developed forked stems, or where the wind has bent its form through winter gales.
Some branches are bent and broken, others are scarred, while other parts of the trees are dead or dying.
Trees continue to grow to maturity regardless of the cuts and bruises, the wind, lightening even, being eaten does not stop them, and when spring comes they burst forth in a magical display of enthusiastic new growth!
Trees stand majestic, warts and all, there is no hiding of the scars and not too much attention on them either. Scars just are, and eventually they fade or become something beautiful.
I have always felt a very great affinity for trees, they have shown me such a lot of wisdom throughout my life. I am so grateful to live in a place with so many beautiful big trees, and I am grateful to live in a place where so many people care so deeply for trees.
Thinking about the trees, I feel good about where I am in my emotional world, perhaps my scars will lead to new growth, maybe indeed they occurred to lead me to that growth.
Life is beautiful, and I am very thankful to be living it right now.
Today I have Loving Gratitude for the delicate new buds of Spring
I have Loving Gratitude for the stunning burrs left on trees through natural expressions of life
I have Loving Gratitude for the woods and fields near my home
I have Loving Gratitude for the dappled sunlight on the woodland floor
I have Loving Gratitude for the feel of the soft earth beneath my feet
I have Loving Gratitude for the rejuvenating sleep which my baby is having
I have Loving Gratitude for my lovely friends
I have Loving Gratitude for the other people on my healing journey
I have Loving Gratitude for the interconnectedness of all life
I have Loving Gratitude for the turning of the seasons