Today I realised something about myself that I could not see while I was unhappy! I realised just how much potential for success that I have. It was a moment where the world changed for me entirely.
I remember growing up and thinking why am I not good at anything? When will I find out what it is that I excel in? I went to a school full of high achievers and come from a family of well educated successful people, but as I was growing up it appeared to me that everyone was good at something except for me. I was in fact utterly convinced of that idea, to the point where I think I became despondent. I felt like a reject, an oddity and I felt sad. I lost my enthusiasm to achieve anything and I turned away from what I saw as the 'conventional' world.
Perhaps I am what might be described as a late bloomer, I will never know what I might have achieved if I had been happy when I was younger, and to be plain there is no purpose in wondering, so I shan't!
What I am aware of is that over the course of that last four months I have learnt to CHOOSE GOOD FEELING THOUGHTS, where in the past I chose unharmonious ones or simply did not choose at all I just allowed an endless stream of mental gibber to go on and on. One of the new results that I have noticed, which I never could have predicted, from learning to guide my thoughts and be more in the present, is that the mental mist has begun to clear! I have become far more aware of who I really am and just what great potential I have.
It feels wonderful, I now realise that I am one of those people who is good at things, and not just good, but great! Perhaps I always have been, and perhaps I really am a late bloomer? What does it matter? What does matter is that I have stopped feeling miserable for long enough (four months on the trot seems good enough for me) to take stock of my talents and strengths and to start acting on the potential that I now realise I truly have.
I am still not sure exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life, and now I also recognise the ridiculousness of thinking that I ought to know what I want to do beyond the next few months! I think it's about time people stopped expecting teenagers to know exactly what they want to devote their whole lives to, I expect there are some people who early on get a real sense of their own passions, but perhaps the rest of us develop passions as we move through life and get to experience new things. After all how could I know that I would love to paint until I held a paintbrush and had the right kind of encouragement to allow myself to have a go?
What I do know for sure is that I have masses of potential, which I did not previously know about. I feel extremely fortunate. I almost feel as if I have woken from a bad dream to find myself in wonderland. The world is my oyster after all!
I have turned another full circle to realise again that the most important thing to achieve in life is happiness! I feel more and more certain every day that I am on the right path; learning how to be at peace with myself exactly as I am is utterly invaluable!
I am so thankful for the opportunity to learn how to shepherd my thoughts, and I look forward to more wonderful experiences and revelations which may come my way as I move on in my mission.
Today I am Thankful for great big beautiful trees
I am Thankful for unexpected delights coming my way
I am Thankful for night time bird song
I am Thankful for my talents being revealed
I am Thankful for my capable hands
I am Thankful for the delicious smell of beeswax candles
I am Thankful for bees
I am Thankful for the smell and taste of fresh honey
I am Thankful for the way honey crystallises when it is stored for a long time
I am Thankful for warm spring days spent with lovely friends