Sometimes the only thing left to do is laugh! Today it seems that my brain is on some sort of mission to tell me exactly how dreadful my life is! I call it the "and another thing" mentality. I first discovered this aspect of my poor thinking moments years ago, whilst having an argument with someone, I forget who, there have been so many.... No not really!
So I was arguing and I noticed that my mind was listing all the things that they did which annoyed me one after another, it was like a torrent, a flood, a downpour..... the recipient must have been strong is all I can say about that now.
One day I caught myself doing the "and another thing" rant at my eldest child, who is now fourteen, when she was quite little and I think she said something like "mummy stop listing!". This really woke me up to my behaviour and since then I have tried not to allow myself to spil out all my gripes in one go to any unsuspecting humans!
I may have managed not to do it so much to other people but the facility which allows me to rant and list is still alive and kicking, and given the opportunity it will merrily set about listing for me all the things I find unharmonious, which are usually about sharing space with other people!
This morning this malevolent facility was on overdrive! I got up early with baby and went downstairs for breakfast and began clearing up everyone's mess..... That seemed to trigger the voice and off it went like a high speed french train whirling through my mind and my morning, listing all the crimes against housework which had taken place over the last few days! Of course I was not implicated once, I was completely innocent never leaving so much as a sock out of place.....
I expect you get the idea! I tried a few things to change the subject in my mind, for a while giving thanks for the peace downstairs, while everyone else slept, worked, and then giving thanks for the morning which was extremely beautiful. I tried simply being present, in the Now with what I was doing, giggling with my baby, I even tried simply breathing.....
But no, the slightest crack in my perfectly polished mirror of positive thoughts let the critical voice in this morning.
In the end, I am very pleased to say, the humour of my situation presented itself to me! I laughed out loud at the persistence of the internal critic. That alone was enough to do it, the critical voice crumbled and went off in a huff to sulk in some dark corner.
Shortly after I found the humour a sort of clarity settled over me, an understanding which now I find hard to describe; simply that thoughts are just thoughts!
Of course I already knew that, I have been writing about it daily for sixty-six days now!
I suppose what I am trying to describe is that I have grown an understanding inside my mind where I can add feeling to my thoughts if I wish to, or I can simply see them as passing clouds.
Again I am struck by the simplicity that there is absolutely nothing wrong in my world! The only things which generate opinions are my thoughts, and when my mind begins to judge places, things, people, landscapes or situations as being 'good' or 'bad', 'pleasant' or unpleasant' then that is when I begin to have emotional responses to them.
If I simply observe the world around me without thought, or if I remember to treat the thoughts which are indiscriminately generated by my mind as if they are not 'real', and by that I mean not to give them any power or credence (thoughts as far as I know have no life of their own 'my' thoughts cannot exist without me, they have no spirit or soul), then I do not have to take them seriously, or follow them down their path of unfoldment as they grow into a multitude, which thoughts in my experience have a tendency to do until I check their growth.
There is no need to take thoughts seriously, they are not me, I am not a thought, I am a being.
I am a soul having a physical experience.
This whole revelation led me to wondering again the true purpose of thought? It seems clear to me now that thought is a facility, a useable function. Thought is there so that we human beings can explore the things which ignite our passions!
We are not supposed to be endlessly churning over the same old thoughts, we are not supposed to be analysing every detail of our lives, we are supposed to enjoy our existence without judgement, we are supposed to thrive, to explore and to have sensuous experiences!
I really enjoyed the rest of my day! I'd love to say I was a blank page floating through my existence in a drift of wondrous sensual expression, but what I did experience was thrilling and fun; I completely stopped taking my thoughts seriously. I laughed at most of the thoughts I had for the rest of the day, I passed through them all very quickly, in the evening I went to a dance and I danced, I smiled and I enjoyed myself.
Today I am amazed at the beauty of the sky
I am amazed when I watch mars and Jupiter moving through the night sky
I am amazed that my body remembers to breathe all by itself
I am amazed at the taste of ripe juicy pears
I am amazed when I feel the wet grass beneath my feet
I am amazed to see birds flying
I am amazed by your smile
I am amazed at my own evolution
I am amazed by my own thoughts
I am amazed I am amazed I am amazed!