What do we miss by hurrying on our way? The world is bringing wisdom to my life daily, the wisdom of now. For so much of my life I have been looking forward, or looking back, so much so that now had become an inconvenience, a troubling burden. I had reached the point where I needed something to look forward to all the time, and if I had nothing to look forward to I became despondent! It seems to me that there is nothing wrong with looking forward to things if one is enjoying the now, however if the only part of life which feels enjoyable is in the future then there is something out of balance.
We are never in the future, we are only now, and now is all we have. Time moves on and the longed for things come and go, and then what? More things to look forwards to?
Longing for the future, or yearning (or lamenting) for the past has often meant that I have missed the beauty of Now. My gaze has been fixed so far in the future that I have been blind to the present, sometimes intentionally; I have been so connected to and identified with my pain that the present has been unbearable.
What changed for me? I started to check my thoughts, I began stopping thoughts which did not feel pleasant, and started replacing them with ones which did. I discovered that the despondency, the despair and the sadness was all in my head and housed within my thoughts. It was not, as I had assumed, in my heart. My heart is huge and full of love. My heart is very simple, there are no thoughts in my heart; there is only love.
Love does not judge, it does not look forwards or back. Love is simple, plain and open.
I am not my past just as I cannot be my future, as long as I dwell in the past or the future I cannot be fully in the present. Without my thoughts constantly regurgitating, judging and weighing the now, the past and the future, I feel simple. With my eyes wide open in the now I can see so much to love, so much to feel grateful for, so much to appreciate.
I can see the smiles on my family's faces, I can feel the love of my friends. I fully witness the blueness of the sky and the voluminous metamorphosis of the clouds.
By inhabiting my body instead of my mind I am a happier person, I choose to think gentle thoughts, loving thoughts and to treat myself with the kindness I would a much loved friend.
The Bright Field
I have seen the sun break through
to illuminate a small field
for a while, and gone my way
and forgotten it. But that was the Pearl
of great price, the one field that had
treasure in it. I realise now that
I must give all that I have
to possess it. Life is not hurrying
on to a receding future, nor hankering after
an imagined past. It is the turning
aside like Moses to the miracle
of the lit bush, to the brightness
that seemed as transitory as your youth
once, but is the eternity that awaits you.
R.S Thomas 1913-2000
Today I have loving Gratitude for the bright field
I have loving gratitude for now
I have loving gratitude for freckles
I have loving gratitude for the warm feeling in my body after a bath
I have loving gratitude for birthday cake
I have loving gratitude for the bright hills in the distance
I have loving gratitude for the quiet moments in my mind
I have loving gratitude for the last cold frosty mornings of spring
I have loving gratitude for the love in my heart
I have loving gratitude for my open mind